Broken Pieces made whole

We are broken.  We carry with us the shame from our past failures and disappointments.  We wander through life concealing our wounded selves from the world, hoping, praying that nobody will see the pain we carry.  We go through our day saying we're fine or that life is great, when really there is a sense of mistrust and uncertainty in our hearts.  It has been built up from taking our identity in lesser things.  We have been caused pain by judging eyes and misplaced trust.  We live lives that are stained with regrets and shame from our past.  We are desperate for healing and yet there is a part of us that begins to resign ourselves into believing that this is the way life is.  Earlier this week I shared a story that still brings with it a bit of shame:  my failing out of Grad school.  Despite knowing that my identity is not wrapped up in those past failures and shortcomings, there is always a creeping desire to prove that that is true.  To prove that I'm not a failure and that I am worth more than that.  That I am enough.

There is powerful story in the gospels that illustrates this idea of shame and guilt in our lives.  It centers on the woman who had a discharge of blood for 12 years.  I really resonate with this person.  Every day she lives with shame over her condition.  She is so scared of being found out, of being exposed for her identity as an outcast that she just barely touches the cloak of Jesus.  The woman was unclean according to the law, touching anyone would have made them unclean and would have brought shame and guilt upon her.  She knew the law and had lived that life for 12 years.  She was what was called an "untouchable."  Yet in this moment of desperation she touched the cloak of Jesus.  Not only has she touched the garment of this prominent figure, but she had to push her way through the crowd to get to him.  In the Greek it is clear that she is repeating over and over again the words "If I only I can touch his cloak."  She knows the condemnation that she will receive if she is found out, but she believes that it will all be worth it as long as she can touch his cloak for she knows that will bring healing.

She finally does it and is immediately healed, but suddenly Jesus turns around and looks for her.  He says someone has touched him and she's mortified.  Her sins are about to be exposed.  She tries to shrink away into the crowd, but she knows that there is no use.  Jesus knows.  She throws herself at his feet in fear and trembling.  She knows that what she has done was sinful and now she sits before Jesus ready for his punishment.  She admits to everything and you can feel her pleading for mercy.  She fears that the cost for what she has done is too great.  She knows her place as an outcast and nothing can change that.  She's living in the brokenness of her identity.  She is living in the shame of her past and the sins that she has committed by touching Him.  Imagine yourself in her shoes for a moment.  All of your past sins and failures lay bare at the feet of Jesus.  What has been your secret shame and guilt is about to be made public.  You are ready for Jesus' rebuke and condemnation, you only hope you can bear the weight of the shame.  Jesus is about to expose you as the failure that you are.

Then Jesus opens his mouth and calls you, "Daughter."  The word is more than you can take.  It's a word that your own parents have forgotten.  It is something that you haven't experienced in 12 years.  Acceptance.  No.  Not acceptance.  Love.  You begged for mercy, but instead Jesus gives you Grace.  The weight and shame of your past replaced only with joy and hope.  No longer do you live as an outcast or a failure, but instead as a child deeply loved by God.  It is there that you find your new identity.  It is too good to be true.  Those around are speechless.  They know her, but Jesus has spoken and nobody dare oppose him on this.  She is a new person with a new identity.  You see this what happens to us when we encounter God.  When we place our shame at his feet.  He calls us, "Son" or "Daughter."  He sees past our failures, our mistakes and sees us through loving eyes.  He has redeemed our pasts and made broken pieces whole.

His final words to her are this, "Go in peace, and be healed of your disease."  It is a command to live in that new identity.  To not allow shame and guilt to plague us anymore.  We have been healed of our past.  We can move forward.  We are called to live into this new identity.  We are called to live truly healed.  We are called to live as broken pieces made whole.