Grace to be vulnerable

This semester I've been taking a History of Christianity course as an independent study.  It has been fascinating to read and to learn about our vast history.  It has also, at times, been rather disheartening.  It is undeniable that there have been atrocities done in the name of Christ or at least under that pretense.  At times, I'm just appalled at our own behaviors.  Much of the church's history is stained with the abuse of power and with the blood of those who stood in opposition to them depending on the denomination.  To be sure, the blame for these events is pretty well spread out among all of the major denominations and no one can claim to have clean hands.  As I read through my textbook, I was most struck by the complete loss of humility among members and leaders of the church.  It was almost entirely absent replaced by a desire for power and corruption.  That is not to say that there were not pockets of great Christians whose faith is to be praised, for in fact there were many such Christians whose insights have proven invaluable over the centuries and the way they conducted their lives demonstrated a deep love for God and for others.  Yet the history of the church also shows the great cost that we pay when we choose to chase after power and authority rather than humility before God.

You see I think the root of pride often comes in a way of self-preservation or simply selfishness.  We begin to look at others as adversaries rather than people in need of compassion.  One of my favorite authors is Henri Nouwen.  He says this when it comes to enemies, "We can perceive the stranger as an enemy only as long as we have something to defend.  But when we say, 'Please enter - my house is your house, my joy is your joy, my sadness is your sadness, and my life is your life.' We have nothing to defend, since we have nothing to lose but all to give."  Nouwen's point is that if we are able to look at everything we have and able to give it away freely, then it is impossible to see others as enemies because there is nothing that they can take from us that can cause us real pain, whether it be a tangible item, our reputation, or our very lives.  Now to be sure this is a fine mental exercise or interpretation of Jesus' statement to turn the other cheek, but when it comes to practical application it seems beyond any of us.  Perhaps that's the point.  Perhaps we aren't meant to do this on our own.  Perhaps we need grace to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is a scary term.  It is an uncomfortable and wretched thing.  To expose yourself to the judgment of others and to have no ability to defend yourself, who would desire this sort of thing?  Even the most confident of people and those most comfortable in their own skin desire to hold back part of their lives.  In fact it goes against the hard wiring in us that makes us choose between fight or flight.  By our very nature we want to either courageously go down swinging or run away to survive for another day.  Yet God calls us to be vulnerable.  To see those around us not as enemies or potential threats but as deeply loved children of God.  This impossible task is made possible when we constantly go before God and just sit in his presence.

The other day I sat engaging in my quiet time and I just imagined myself before Christ on the cross.  As I thought over my devotion to God, I was at first ashamed at my own lack of resolve and my own failures, but as I gazed on the cross I could feel God saying, "My grace is sufficient."  You see vulnerability before others is a truly daunting task, but God says, "My grace is sufficient."  It is by his strength that we are able to die to ourselves.  Paul says that he struggles with all Christ's energy as it works powerfully within him. (Colossians 1:29)  It is that same grace and same power that works in us as we strive to be vulnerable among others.  True vulnerability breeds peace and healing in both ourselves and others.  By opening up to others we give them the freedom to do the same.  May we pray for God to give us the grace to be vulnerable.