Why I write.

Last night I went to a writing group called Pages. It's a really great group where writers are able to come together and simply write about whatever is on our hearts. Often we have prompts to help stimulate us toward writing and it's just an amazing time to really focus on using our talents. Last night's prompt was a very penetrating question: Why do I write?

I guess that I write to share with others the things that are on my heart and what God is teaching me. I also just love to write. Throughout the day, I normally have my thoughts running all over the place and I can rarely sort them out. When I write though, my thoughts and ideas become focused. It is as though I have a jumbled mess the rest of the day and suddenly when I write there is order among the chaos. Everything seems to slow down and I’m able to just focus. It’s a very freeing feeling. I can write about how God is changing me for the better or how I’ve seen God in my day.

As I write I continue to become more focused and I tend to find things that are deeper. I often find direction and guidance from writing and I get the opportunity to explore the out-of-the-way places of my heart. I can’t begin to describe how often I have written only to read over it again and discover something about myself. Writing allows me to relate to God and find Him in my everyday tasks.

Lately I’ve been writing for the benefit of others. I have had this desire to share the Gospel with others and so that they may see the significance of a relationship with Jesus. In those moments, I am able to be vulnerable and real with those around me. My guard is down, because I’m doing it from a safe place. Despite the risk of revealing my heart, I feel comfortable in it and am able to show others that all of us are muddling through our Spiritual Journey one broken step at a time.

One of my favorite authors is Donald Miller. I love his writing style, because I feel that he is just being open with me and having a conversation. I think it would be awesome to be able to be a Christian writer and be able to influence others for Christ. Now I don't know if it's God's will for me to be a Christian author, but I do know that I love it. I’ve gotten the privilege of hearing from many of my friends that they have really enjoyed my writings as of late and that it has really been a blessing to them. I’m excited to hear that and am so amazed that God can use my writings to help others grow.

I must say that it is amusing for me to enjoy writing so much. I mean I was a math major in college and the only “papers” I had to write were those that I wrote Freshman year for my English 101 class. It is an ability that I can’t say I thought I’d ever have. In high school it was my weakest subject and yet today I sit here enjoying every minute of simply writing. Few things really calm or relax me as much as sitting down to write. As I write this I can feel my heart quietly ignite with excitement.

I can remember writing poetry long ago in third grade. I was so excited when I found out that I had won a competition for one of my poems. From then on, I would write poetry to express how I was feeling and it was my outlet throughout high school. It wasn’t until my Senior year of High school though, that I really felt I could write a real paper. I mean I could write for the most part and still did very well, but my writing ability was one of the things I hated doing and to be honest couldn’t see myself doing well. My English AP teacher seemed to agree with me on that point. I remember getting paper after paper with red marks everywhere and the grades to match. I couldn’t handle it and so I sat down and spoke with her. She helped me along and I just remember how my papers gradually got better and better the more I wrote. By the end of the year I was writing beautiful essays and was so thrilled to finally be good at writing.

After that I went to college where the very first semester I took English 101 and was a bit nervous. I began doubting my ability to write and so I was nervous that throughout the course she would recognize that I was not a gifted writer and that I would struggle throughout the class. Much to my surprise, I did very well in the class, in fact she asked for a copy of every essay because she was so thrilled with them. I was shocked, but my confidence in my writing stayed the same. For the next several years I had very few papers and any of my long ones were simply mathematical essays that were stale and ordered. They had no need for style, merely presented facts and proofs. I think that is why after college I was hesitant to share any of my writings with others, because I knew that they were filled with vulnerability.

Now, after writing for so long and having allowed others to be a part of that process and to read what my brain has deemed important for me to focus on, I can finally understand why I write. I write so that others can get a glimpse of the real me. I write so that they can look past the activities that I take part in, or the things that I want them to see and just see me. I think that’s what we’re all after anyway. I think that people want to be known, they want to have a face and I think that by writing I give myself a face. I allow people to see the real me, not the me gilded by my interests or activities, but the real depths of my heart.