What do you want?

Have you ever been in that situation where you talk to someone and they just look at you in a way that shows their annoyance with you and they simply ask, what do you want? Have you ever felt that way with God when praying to Him? I know personally there have been plenty of times where I'll talk to God and when I ask for requests I get this awkward feeling and ask myself, "Do I really have the right to ask Him for that or anything for that matter?" It's sad though, because that is not what God wants us to feel at all. He wants us to be able to go to Him with everything. He desires us to be honest with Him about our wants and needs. This doesn't mean that He's going to give you every desire of your heart, but it does mean that He wants you to talk to Him about them.

Currently, I am reading a book called Sacred Rhythms. The book is meant to develop useful disciplines for time alone with God and has been great for my quiet times lately. In the opening chapter of the book it talks about spiritual longings, or the desire to be closer to God. It also goes on to talk about our own desires. It makes the great point that we must be honest with God about them. Some of our desires are out of selfish motives, yet some are desires that God wants for us. In explaining why we must tell God all of the cravings of our heart, she says, "For then Jesus can gently strip away that which is false and destructive in our desire and fan into flames those desires that are good and true." By voicing our desires, the Holy Spirit has a way of really convicting us of which those are for our selfish gain and which are really for His glory. By being honest we can also distinguish between what we really want and what is simply fleeting wish. How many times do we go through life thinking we want something, only to realize much later that it wasn't what we wanted at all? We hear the story all the time of those who have amassed a great wealth and then suddenly realize that what they've worked for all their life isn't what they wanted.

Barton goes on to talk about Jesus meeting Bartimaeus along the road from Jericho. She talks about one verse in particular that really hit home with me. Jesus sees Bartimaeus who is desperate to be heard by Him. He is shouting out to Jesus, despite the rebukes to stop and Jesus comes over to him and says, "What do you want me to do for you?" (Mark 10:51). It is such a poignant verse. Here is Bartimaeus who is blind and sitting along the road outside the city. Anyone looking at him could probably tell what he wanted, but Jesus makes the point of asking him what he wants. It makes Bartimaeus really think about that question. Here is Jesus capable of giving him anything he wants and so Bartimaeus must dig deep inside and figure out what that is. We see the same encounter in Matthew except that there are two people described here, neither are named. We get to see a little more concerning the reaction that Jesus has towards the blind men. It says, "Jesus had compassion on them..." (Matthew 20:34). Jesus was moved by their honesty. They displayed faith in Him, by understanding that it was Him alone that could restore their sight. By being honest about their desires Jesus got to see their hearts and to see the vulnerability there. Their humility and honesty moved Jesus to give them sight which they then used to follow Him. What an awesome way to show their gratitude to Jesus for granting the desire of their hearts.

This really hit home with me as I have been trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. Having been in Camping Ministry for a few years and dealing with seasonal work, I have been trying to discern God's calling and whether that means to stay in camping ministry or pursue other avenues. While there are many things that I could do, there are still only a few things that I desire to do. By being open and honest with God, the Holy Spirit has been able to gradually help me to make that distinction and whether those desires I have are for my benefit or for God's Glory. I believe that sometimes we must voice these desires in our heart, whatever they may be, so that we can be aware of where they are coming from. We must call out to God like Bartimaeus and like Bartimaeus we must be honest with God when He asks, "What do you want me to do for you?" I encourage you to do the same. Consider the desires of your heart. Be open and honest with God about them. If your desires are not of God, He will sift them out. We should never be afraid to go to God with our heart's longings. Instead we must boldly go to the Lord and understand that He will give us discernment. Our God does not look at us with annoyance and ask what do you want? He looks on us with compassion and asks, "What do you want me to do for you?"