Comfortable and Safe

Recently I was reading from The Cost of Discipleship, when Dietrich Bonhoeffer said something that really caught my attention. He was discussing discipleship and how Jesus has called us to follow Him. He started talking about the rich young ruler and his exchange with Jesus. The rich young ruler goes up to Jesus and says, "Good Master" what must I do to get into heaven. Jesus takes this opportunity to immediately point towards the Father by saying that only God is good. Bonhoeffer makes the point here that the rich young ruler may at this point realize that he is not talking to simply a teacher of the law, but to the very Son of God. Before him stands the Almighty God who stepped down from Heaven so that we could better understand God and be reconciled with Him. This is one of the facts that I have to be reminded of occasionally because when I am reminded of it, I am shaken out of my complacency and stirred back into devotion. I fear, however, that I am not alone in this struggle.

There have been many people over the years who have told us that Jesus was just a good person or was a great moral teacher. C.S. Lewis said it well in Mere Christianity when he said, "A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse." So why when we claim that Jesus was the Son of God are we not convicted? Jesus had all the power in the Universe being one with the Father. He left that and became both human and God and walked among us. Too often we get comfortable with this. Sure we can stick up for Jesus when someone says that he was just a good person. It is our way of proverbially telling Jesus we have His back. Unfortunately, our words often stop at just that, words. Let the idea that Jesus was and is God sink in. Let it really change the way you look at the world.

It has been snowing for the last couple days. It falls gently to the ground and I comfortably watch it from a nice leather chair. I may get up and go outside to shovel the snow, but will soon be back inside to enjoy the warmth and safety of the house. I'm comfortable and safe here. I wonder what Jesus would do during this time. I imagine that He would be out helping someone. Perhaps he'd be down at the shelter helping people stay warm, or perhaps He'd be turning water into Chicken soup. He'd be especially concerned for the fringe of society during this time and He calls us to follow Him. You see Jesus isn't really concerned about comfort or safety. His call is a dangerous one, where if you follow it you're never sure where you might end up. It's rare that He allows us to stay in our comfort zone. He wants us to rely on Him in order that we might show our devotion to Him. Sure we need to spend time alone with Him to relax and recharge, but we are also called to love recklessly. We are told to die to ourselves, a call that would sound absurd except for the fact that when we do so we become more of ourselves.

There are many churches out there that have done a great job at proclaiming the Gospel and showing people Jesus through the actions that they've taken in the community and around the world. We're called to more though. Our lives are to be in constant devotion to Jesus. We can't allow ourselves to slip into complacency when it comes to our relationship with Jesus. He is God and deserves our Love and devotion. We must follow Him and to boldly go where He calls us no matter the cost for as Lewis says, "He isn't safe, but He is good."

What do you want?

Have you ever been in that situation where you talk to someone and they just look at you in a way that shows their annoyance with you and they simply ask, what do you want? Have you ever felt that way with God when praying to Him? I know personally there have been plenty of times where I'll talk to God and when I ask for requests I get this awkward feeling and ask myself, "Do I really have the right to ask Him for that or anything for that matter?" It's sad though, because that is not what God wants us to feel at all. He wants us to be able to go to Him with everything. He desires us to be honest with Him about our wants and needs. This doesn't mean that He's going to give you every desire of your heart, but it does mean that He wants you to talk to Him about them.

Currently, I am reading a book called Sacred Rhythms. The book is meant to develop useful disciplines for time alone with God and has been great for my quiet times lately. In the opening chapter of the book it talks about spiritual longings, or the desire to be closer to God. It also goes on to talk about our own desires. It makes the great point that we must be honest with God about them. Some of our desires are out of selfish motives, yet some are desires that God wants for us. In explaining why we must tell God all of the cravings of our heart, she says, "For then Jesus can gently strip away that which is false and destructive in our desire and fan into flames those desires that are good and true." By voicing our desires, the Holy Spirit has a way of really convicting us of which those are for our selfish gain and which are really for His glory. By being honest we can also distinguish between what we really want and what is simply fleeting wish. How many times do we go through life thinking we want something, only to realize much later that it wasn't what we wanted at all? We hear the story all the time of those who have amassed a great wealth and then suddenly realize that what they've worked for all their life isn't what they wanted.

Barton goes on to talk about Jesus meeting Bartimaeus along the road from Jericho. She talks about one verse in particular that really hit home with me. Jesus sees Bartimaeus who is desperate to be heard by Him. He is shouting out to Jesus, despite the rebukes to stop and Jesus comes over to him and says, "What do you want me to do for you?" (Mark 10:51). It is such a poignant verse. Here is Bartimaeus who is blind and sitting along the road outside the city. Anyone looking at him could probably tell what he wanted, but Jesus makes the point of asking him what he wants. It makes Bartimaeus really think about that question. Here is Jesus capable of giving him anything he wants and so Bartimaeus must dig deep inside and figure out what that is. We see the same encounter in Matthew except that there are two people described here, neither are named. We get to see a little more concerning the reaction that Jesus has towards the blind men. It says, "Jesus had compassion on them..." (Matthew 20:34). Jesus was moved by their honesty. They displayed faith in Him, by understanding that it was Him alone that could restore their sight. By being honest about their desires Jesus got to see their hearts and to see the vulnerability there. Their humility and honesty moved Jesus to give them sight which they then used to follow Him. What an awesome way to show their gratitude to Jesus for granting the desire of their hearts.

This really hit home with me as I have been trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. Having been in Camping Ministry for a few years and dealing with seasonal work, I have been trying to discern God's calling and whether that means to stay in camping ministry or pursue other avenues. While there are many things that I could do, there are still only a few things that I desire to do. By being open and honest with God, the Holy Spirit has been able to gradually help me to make that distinction and whether those desires I have are for my benefit or for God's Glory. I believe that sometimes we must voice these desires in our heart, whatever they may be, so that we can be aware of where they are coming from. We must call out to God like Bartimaeus and like Bartimaeus we must be honest with God when He asks, "What do you want me to do for you?" I encourage you to do the same. Consider the desires of your heart. Be open and honest with God about them. If your desires are not of God, He will sift them out. We should never be afraid to go to God with our heart's longings. Instead we must boldly go to the Lord and understand that He will give us discernment. Our God does not look at us with annoyance and ask what do you want? He looks on us with compassion and asks, "What do you want me to do for you?"

Why I write.

Last night I went to a writing group called Pages. It's a really great group where writers are able to come together and simply write about whatever is on our hearts. Often we have prompts to help stimulate us toward writing and it's just an amazing time to really focus on using our talents. Last night's prompt was a very penetrating question: Why do I write?

I guess that I write to share with others the things that are on my heart and what God is teaching me. I also just love to write. Throughout the day, I normally have my thoughts running all over the place and I can rarely sort them out. When I write though, my thoughts and ideas become focused. It is as though I have a jumbled mess the rest of the day and suddenly when I write there is order among the chaos. Everything seems to slow down and I’m able to just focus. It’s a very freeing feeling. I can write about how God is changing me for the better or how I’ve seen God in my day.

As I write I continue to become more focused and I tend to find things that are deeper. I often find direction and guidance from writing and I get the opportunity to explore the out-of-the-way places of my heart. I can’t begin to describe how often I have written only to read over it again and discover something about myself. Writing allows me to relate to God and find Him in my everyday tasks.

Lately I’ve been writing for the benefit of others. I have had this desire to share the Gospel with others and so that they may see the significance of a relationship with Jesus. In those moments, I am able to be vulnerable and real with those around me. My guard is down, because I’m doing it from a safe place. Despite the risk of revealing my heart, I feel comfortable in it and am able to show others that all of us are muddling through our Spiritual Journey one broken step at a time.

One of my favorite authors is Donald Miller. I love his writing style, because I feel that he is just being open with me and having a conversation. I think it would be awesome to be able to be a Christian writer and be able to influence others for Christ. Now I don't know if it's God's will for me to be a Christian author, but I do know that I love it. I’ve gotten the privilege of hearing from many of my friends that they have really enjoyed my writings as of late and that it has really been a blessing to them. I’m excited to hear that and am so amazed that God can use my writings to help others grow.

I must say that it is amusing for me to enjoy writing so much. I mean I was a math major in college and the only “papers” I had to write were those that I wrote Freshman year for my English 101 class. It is an ability that I can’t say I thought I’d ever have. In high school it was my weakest subject and yet today I sit here enjoying every minute of simply writing. Few things really calm or relax me as much as sitting down to write. As I write this I can feel my heart quietly ignite with excitement.

I can remember writing poetry long ago in third grade. I was so excited when I found out that I had won a competition for one of my poems. From then on, I would write poetry to express how I was feeling and it was my outlet throughout high school. It wasn’t until my Senior year of High school though, that I really felt I could write a real paper. I mean I could write for the most part and still did very well, but my writing ability was one of the things I hated doing and to be honest couldn’t see myself doing well. My English AP teacher seemed to agree with me on that point. I remember getting paper after paper with red marks everywhere and the grades to match. I couldn’t handle it and so I sat down and spoke with her. She helped me along and I just remember how my papers gradually got better and better the more I wrote. By the end of the year I was writing beautiful essays and was so thrilled to finally be good at writing.

After that I went to college where the very first semester I took English 101 and was a bit nervous. I began doubting my ability to write and so I was nervous that throughout the course she would recognize that I was not a gifted writer and that I would struggle throughout the class. Much to my surprise, I did very well in the class, in fact she asked for a copy of every essay because she was so thrilled with them. I was shocked, but my confidence in my writing stayed the same. For the next several years I had very few papers and any of my long ones were simply mathematical essays that were stale and ordered. They had no need for style, merely presented facts and proofs. I think that is why after college I was hesitant to share any of my writings with others, because I knew that they were filled with vulnerability.

Now, after writing for so long and having allowed others to be a part of that process and to read what my brain has deemed important for me to focus on, I can finally understand why I write. I write so that others can get a glimpse of the real me. I write so that they can look past the activities that I take part in, or the things that I want them to see and just see me. I think that’s what we’re all after anyway. I think that people want to be known, they want to have a face and I think that by writing I give myself a face. I allow people to see the real me, not the me gilded by my interests or activities, but the real depths of my heart.

True Grit

Recently, Hollywood decided to remake the movie True Grit. Now I haven't seen the movie yet, but it looks pretty cool. The main character looks like one of those men who has been around a while and is, as they say, tough as nails. I'm always a sucker for those movies. I love it because you know that they've struggled through life. They aren't afraid to have their backs against the wall and seem to work well under the pressure. They're the kind of person where no matter what they're up against, you're confident that they'll make it through. They live lives of endurance.

Several years ago I participated in a 12 hour bike ride. It started at midnight and went to noon. It was so much fun, but so incredibly tiring. I was absolutely exhausted afterward. In that time I was on the bike for about 6 hours, while a friend of mine did the other 6 hours. Not to mention that I got the midnight shift, so I was in the dark for a very good portion of the ride. It is rides like these that really put your endurance to the test. The reason that it tested my endurance though, is not because it was simply a long ride. It tested it because it was a long race. I had to push myself the entire way to go as fast as I could without burning out. If it was just a long ride I could have taken my time, gone through slowly and not worried about how many laps I had completed. Endurance requires something different than simply finishing. It requires us to finish well.

One of my favorite books is called Roots of Endurance. It's by John Piper and is a biography of three men of Faith that endured incredible hardships during their lives. One of the men that Piper talks about is Charles Simeon. Now, I am utterly taken by the endurance shown in the life of Charles Simeon. He was remarkable in his love for God and in his ability to endure. Simeon was the pastor of the Holy Trinity Church in Cambridge for 54 years, taking the position almost immediately after graduating from there. The thing is that his congregation hated him so much that they would lock their pews every time he would speak so that nobody could use the pews. They would also hire an assistant to speak on Sunday afternoon rather than Simeon. They did this for 12 years! Now the obvious question here is what did Simeon do to warrant such a response and how did he handle it. Simeon preached straight from the bible every Sunday and sought to revive the faith in Cambridge. It seems that that was enough to turn his congregation against him. He spent all of his time trying to teach others about Christ and lead them to Him. Those who followed Simeon were ridiculed and despised just as much as Simeon was. Despite coming from a wealthy family and having a large inheritance from his brother, he lived in a small apartment and gave all the rest of his money to the poor. He would spend countless hours in scripture and prayer seeking out a deeply personal relationship with Jesus. All this despite the opposition against him. At one point Piper quotes Simeon in what I feel really shows the heart of Simeon in the midst of these trials. He said:

"... I prayed earnestly to my God that He would comfort me with some cordial from His word, and that, on opening the book, I might find some test which should sustain me. It was not for direction I was looking, for I am no friend to such superstitions... but only for support. The first text which caught my eye was this: ' They found a many of Cyrene, Simon by name; him they compelled to bear His cross.' ... what a blessed hint of my encouragement! To have the cross laid on me, that I might bear it after Jesus -- what a privilege!"

Simeon understood that in order to endure under these hardships, he must devote himself fully to God and to accept these trials as a privilege. What an amazing life of endurance!

Simeon's life was grounded in a personal relationship with Christ in which he shared in the hardships of Jesus. Jesus is of course our model for endurance. We see it often in scripture. The pharisees often plotted His murder along with attempts at turning all of His disciples against Him. He would lose friends throughout His journey and would be betrayed by one of those closest to Him. Jesus endured separation from the Father for the first time and endured the weight of all our sins so that we might have life. Jesus, the son of God, came to Earth, endured being mocked, cursed and spit on by the very ones that He came to save. The king stepped down from His throne and took the pauper's place in the gallows. He endured our punishment and suffered for our transgressions.

There is a spot in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers where Theoden, King of Rohan is locked in the main hall with the door barricaded and a swarm of orcs outside trying to get in, he says this, "What can men do against such reckless hate."

Aragorn responds, "Ride out with me."

Jesus has told us that the world would hate us, but that we must endure and continue to share the good news. Our backs are against the wall and Jesus is saying, "Ride out with me."