Traitorous Heart

In reading from Three Cups of Tea, I am faced with the reality of my own depravity. I am made aware of a problem that our culture has allowed itself to view as perfectly ordinary. I've seen it in my life and countless lives around me. We are cursed with a traitorous heart. How many times have you been spurred on to believe in something or do something only to find that your resolve wears away in a month? My own resolve often lasts only a week maybe two unless it is something that I am constantly around and exposed to.

On my first trip to Ethiopia, I was blown away by the impoverished people of the towns there. While I was there I felt powerless and yet at the same time, full of the knowledge that I could help them. I ate with them and talked with them. I was invited into their homes and treated better than family. As I returned home I knew that I needed to go back and do something more. I needed to give of myself and to do something more for these people that I had grown to love so much. Within a month of returning I resolved to return to Ethiopia and made plans for my next trip.

Over the next year I would think of Ethiopia on occasion. I thought of things I could do there to be there full-time. I dreamt about ways that I could raise money to make an impact in the lives of those who had touched mine. Despite all this I made little effort to really do anything about those plans. I continued to live as I always have and did little to really see those plans come to fruition.

Upon returning to Ethiopia, much of my original resolve was gone. The love that I experienced there was still as great as ever but being there reminded me of all the things that I wanted to do and how little I had done to accomplish them. I met with a man who had moved to Ethiopia and who was in the process of creating a business to help the prostitutes find real employment. This business he hopes will eventually help to build a farm in a town called Sendafa which will provide food and jobs to hundreds of people. I returned to America with a strong desire to help him in his efforts. I began brainstorming ideas that would help him raise the funds that he would need to build this farm. Now it has been nearly three months since I returned to America and I have done little to follow through. I have often comforted myself with the thought that I am myself looking for funding to stay in camping ministry. I make myself feel better by claiming that once I have a more firm footing on my own life, I will be able to do something for those in Ethiopia.

Reading through the remarkable story of Greg Mortenson, I realize that there is a distinct difference between him and me. He has kept his resolve. Upon leaving the summit attempt on K2 and returning to America, he became very intentional about his purpose. He did not allow his heart to lose its resolve. When he left the Karakoram he knew that he must do this. It wasn't a matter of dreaming or thinking of ideas, it was a matter of doing everything possible to accomplish it whatever that meant. He did not look at it as something he could do or a cool idea that he might be able to do eventually in the future. He looked at it as something that he had to do. It never occurred to him that he didn't have to do it. It was as essential to his life plan as finding food for the next day. He is far from the only person that has this mentality. Bruce Olsen, author of Bruchko and missionary to the Motilone tribe in Columbia, left his home to serve God as a missionary. It wasn't an option not to do it. This was something that he had to do. The list goes on. There are people who have stood up, who have not backed down and have not taken the easy road.

I envy their resolve. Their steadfastness and assurance of their responsibility. They were able to give their heart fully to what they were doing. My own heart is for more traitorous. It stops short of action far too often and loses its will. Imagine what this world would be like if each of us were able to tame our traitorous heart. If we could learn to keep our resolve and stay committed to changing the world, we would be able to live as Christ wanted us to. We must learn to set aside our fear and tame our traitorous heart that we might keep our resolve and be the change in the world that Christ made us to be.