I want to see

I was recently reading the passage of Blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52) again and I was encouraged to put myself in the shoes of Bartimaeus.  I was moved by this experience and felt that I should share it.  My hope is that you find it useful in drawing near to God.

I've heard his name before and his reputation as a healer and teacher, yet I have never met him.  Day after day, I sit by the gate hoping that he'll pass by.  Then one day, I hear his name whispered.  A great crowd is passing by, I begin to shout, "Son of David, have mercy on me."  Some laugh, others tell me to be quiet.  I don't care.  I shout all the louder.  I hear his voice for the first time.  He is calling to me.  My heart leaps.  I've dreamt about this for months.  Could it be that my time has finally come?  I can feel my heart beating in my chest.  I spring to my feet and start sprinting toward the sound of his voice.  I can't see where I'm going and I run into someone and fall to the ground.  The laughter around me is drowned out by the sound of my own heartbeat.  I hear his voice calling me to him again.  I continue to run towards him.  I know that there are rocks in my path and I stumble over a couple of them.  As I begin to fall, I feel two strong arms catching me.  It is him!  He is holding me.  I feel his embrace, its full of strength and grace.  He calmly lifts me to my feet and holding me close he whispers, "What do you want me to do for you?"  My mind races.  What do I want him to do for me?  I've dreamt about this moment for so long and yet now that I'm here there are so many things that I desire.  Being able to leave the beggar's life, to be free of shame and guilt, to have the ability to avoid rocks in my path, to no longer have the condemnation of others, or being entirely dependent on others, or to have friends and a family of my own.  Yet now in this moment, all I can think about is the majesty before me.  Even in my blindness, I behold a splendor beyond comprehension.  Oh to see that splendor undimmed by my lack of sight.  Oh to view it, even if just for a moment.  Certainly this is what my heart aches for.  This is what I have longed for for so long.  "Lord," I respond, "I want to see."