Counting the Cost Part 1

I recently watched the movie "Moneyball".  The premise is simple, the GM for the Oakland A's, Billy Beane, is employing a tactic for recruiting players that doesn't make sense to anyone who is just looking at the organization and also very little sense to most of those within the organization itself.  The coach of the A's even refuses to play certain players because he thinks the moves are illogical.  About half way through the movie, things come to a head.  The A's are on a huge losing streak and Billy can't get his coach to budge on how to play the players.  So he finally decides to trade away some of the big name players in his roster to ensure that the team would be played the way he knew it needed to be played.  As he is making these trades, his assistant Pete, the one who taught him the system, begins to think that it is a poor choice and that he should rethink these trades.  The exchange that takes place here however is something that really blew me away.  Pete explains that these trades that Billy wants to make are really hard to explain and so they shouldn't do them.  Billy replies by asking the question, "Why does that matter?"  The conversation continues and Billy begins making the trades.  Pete again reminds Billy that if the system doesn't work and he goes through with these trades, that it will be career ending.  Billy begins telling his assistant all of the things that will happen if this doesn't work out.  He has clearly weighed the consequences of his decisions, but then he asks a very poignant question.  "Do you believe in this thing or not?"  He makes Pete look into himself and see if he truly believes in this system.  He then adds that he is going to see this through for better or worse.

During this conversation something really stirred within me.  In this scene, Beane has realized what it will take for him to really implement this system.  He knows that if he follows through with this decision and it fails, then he will lose everything.  After counting the cost he makes the decision to follow his beliefs whether it works out or not.  This faith that he shows is exactly the kind of faith that we need as Christians.  We should have the bold kind of faith to make the decisions that are unpopular or completely rejected.  After counting the cost we should be able to offer ourselves wholeheartedly to God's purposes.  I know that in my own life I haven't been able to truly offer all of myself to God.  I have counted the cost and often I find it to burdensome to bear.

Why is it that we hold back so often?  We seem so afraid to throw ourselves into our faith and so we hold back just enough.  I'm not saying that we need to quit our job tomorrow and go be a missionary in some foreign country, but even in the little things we hold back.  Instead of volunteering an hour on a Thurs. night helping to feed the homeless, we sit in front of a TV losing ourselves in some show that we find interesting.  We are afraid to stand up for Christ in public because we might get ridiculed or talked down to.  God is calling us to deeper levels of surrender.  He calls us to lay down the things that cloud our relationship with Him.  It is not a demand to us but rather a gentle invitation that we would be remiss to decline.  We look for satisfaction in things of this world, yet real satisfaction comes only through Christ.  It is my hope that as we count the cost we'll realize that what we're laying down is nothing compared to what we are gaining. 

Fall Away

As a ropes course facilitator my job was always to enhance a group's ability to work together.  It was my responsibility to guide the group in team building activities that were designed to promote teamwork, strategies, and leadership.  One of the foundations of team building activities is trust.  If you don't trust your teammates, then it is impossible to work together.  In particular, whenever a person would be on a cable element we would have the other people help spot the person, protecting them should they fall.  To help practice this we would do two person trust falls.  This required one person to be in a good spotting position while another person fell back into their hands.  Right before the person would fall back we would run through several commands to ensure safety of the participant.  One series of commands would have the person who is falling say "Falling," while the spotter would reply "Fall away."  You could always tell which people really trusted and which did not by how they would fall.  Some people would begin to lean back and then put a foot back to stabilize themselves rather than wait to be caught in the arms of the person behind them.  Others however would simply fall back without any hesitation.  It was these latter people that were truly trusting their spotter.

I got to thinking about this a bit the other day in my bible study.  We were discussing trusting in God and were working with the passage that talks about how the doves do not reap and sow yet they are still well fed and do not worry about where they will find food.  It also talks about the lilies of the field and how they do not make clothes for themselves yet they are clothed in greater splendor than Solomon.  The point of the passage is to not worry.  My initial reaction to the passage is always the same.  I have always felt like I'm pretty good at not worrying.  I'm naturally a laid back person and so I rarely worry about most things.  I had to ask myself though why it was that I don't worry.  You see while the passage deals with not worrying, the overriding principle is trusting in God.  Was I really trusting in God and just falling back into his arms?  Or was I trusting in something else and taking a step to stabilize myself before falling?

I began recognizing safety nets all around me.  In terms of finances, I have my parents and my savings account to fall back on.  In terms of jobs, I have always been welcome to work at certain camps during certain seasons.  Even in social situations, I have always made sure that there was someone in the crowd that I could talk to or hang out with in case I found myself on the outside of the group.  I have always had something to fall back on.  It isn't that these things are naturally a hindrance, but rather that I have made them the foundation of my trust.  I haven't trusted in God to be there to support me, I have trusted in my own ability to be comfortable and secure.

This was made startling aware to me by a recent financial struggle.  Due to a small miscommunication, I was short a good deal of money for my next semester in seminary.  This happened to coincide with several repairs that were required for my car.  I was thoroughly stressed and concerned.  My parents again came through to help me with repairs as part of my Christmas present, but I was still unsure how I was going to afford Seminary.  Sure I had loans, but they weren't enough to cover the discrepancy in scholarships.  I was at in impasse.  It made me realize that my carefree attitude had nothing to do with my trust in God and everything to do with my comfortable lifestyle.  It was God's subtle way of reminding me who is sovereign and where my trust should truly be.  Since then, the error has been rectified and I can afford seminary again, but I have also learned a valuable lesson about myself and seen something that needs to change in my heart.  Despite my laid back personality and my charmed life, my trust still rested in myself and my circumstances and not in my relationship with God.  It is my hope that as I continue to process this lesson, and as I hear God say "Fall away."  I will throw caution to the wind and simply fall back into his loving arms.

How much are you worth?

Lately, I've really been wrestling with these questions:  What am I worth, what is my value, and how is it measured?  It is certainly a penetrating question that should not be simply glanced over.  In my attempt to answer these questions I was thinking about all the things in my life that I have accomplished or done that I'm especially proud of.  In particular I focused on the things that would be most impressive to others.  I began feeling pretty proud of how much I have accomplished in this life and all the cool adventures and experiences that I've had.  At one point, I even had the feeling that if people knew all that I had accomplished, they would think extremely highly of me.  Then I began to realize the seriousness of my situation.  I was boosting my view of myself by focusing on the achievements in my life.  By valuing my successes so highly, I had begun to base my worth on what others thought of me and the experiences that I have had in my life.  I had inadvertently traded the value I have in Christ with the worth that I perceived in my accomplishments. 

I would wager that there is a tendency in all of us to find our purpose in the things that we do.  It is a constant struggle for Christians to keep God at the center of our lives, as there are many things in our lives that continue to vie for our attention.  I know personally there are many things that I will often place before God rather than keeping God at the center.  I think this is why God detests pride.  Pride makes us find our value and worth in things that we can accomplish and achieve.  It creates in us a selfishness that makes it impossible for us to think of others.  Pride creates this false-self that roots itself in our own accomplishments rather than rooting ourselves in Christ.  There is a huge danger in this way of thinking.  If we root ourselves in our accomplishments and abilities, then when we fail to succeed in those areas our self-worth is affected drastically.  I think this is exactly what Proverbs 16:18 is referring to when it says, "pride goes before destruction."  If we are proud of something, we begin to base our value on that thing.  Then, if we fail to succeed, it is only natural for us to feel our value begin to diminish.

I think that this mindset of defining ourselves by what we have accomplished is widespread.  One of the most common questions that people ask is "What do you do?"  It is as though, by answering that question, one can know who you are.  It is apparent that as a culture we have tied the things that we do to who we are as a person.  We define ourselves by our accomplishments and our jobs.  There is a great commercial right now where someone asks this guy what he does.  The man begins thinking about what it is that he does.  There are several scenes of him fishing, picking up lumber, having a good time, and finally ends with him never really giving an answer.  This is exactly how we should be thinking.  The things that we do certainly tell something about who we are, but they do not define who we are.  Our accomplishments and activities should not be the things that give us our purpose in life.  Our worth should be based solely on the love and adoration given to us by Christ.  We are image bearers of God.  We were bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus.  We have been called coheirs with Christ and adopted sons and daughters of God.  This is where we should find our worth.  Anything less is selling ourselves short.  When we find our worth and value in other things we are trusting in things that simply will not last.  Being rooted in Christ and finding our worth in Him is not as simple as an on/off switch, but it is a constant struggle and a daily surrender.  Personally, I must daily remind myself that my value is rooted in Jesus and cannot be found in the accomplishments of my life.  It is a matter of confidence in Christ rather than pride in myself.

Breathe in Deeper

The other day I was listening to a song by the David Crowder Band called "Do Not Move".  It is probably one of my favorite songs of all time.  The song begins by saying, "I don't want to move and I don't think I could."  After this refrain, the song beings to crescendo, building into the verse that declares, "Breathe in deeper now.  Breathe in deeper now.  Breathe in deeper, breathe in now."  Whenever I hear this song, I imagine myself looking out over this beautiful landscape with the sun beating on my face as it begins to set.  I imagine myself with my arms spread wide and witnessing the holiness of this place.

Every time, I consider just taking a drive out to some remote place and breathing in the beauty of it.  To stand on a mountaintop looking out on God's creation, what can possibly compare?  There is certainly something inspiring about those, "out of the ordinary" experiences.  Those times in life where you can look out and see God's beauty feeling almost as though you are in Eden itself.  It is so inspiring in fact that I find myself often daydreaming about going somewhere remote and beautiful and having some incredible adventure.  Then I'm reminded that the Christian journey is not simply these mountaintop experiences, but rather a moment by moment surrender to God.  You see while these moments are great and can deeply inspire us, God asks us to stay in each moment.

When God created the world, He said, "It is good."  What He did not say was, "That's good, but that's really just ordinary."  He called all of creation good.  I get so caught up sometimes in wanting to be somewhere that takes my breath away or have some grand adventure that I miss out on the beauty right in front of me.  I miss out on the opportunities that God has for me that are all around me.  I wonder how many times have I done this.  How many times have I take my own situation for granted? How often have I told myself that the grass is greener on the other side?  This isn't to say that mountaintop experiences aren't useful, but rather that if we begin to gain a new perspective on our lives that we will begin to appreciate the beauty in the ordinary.  We are constantly filled with the presence of God.  He surrounds us, comforts us, listens to us, and hears us even when we don't think He does.  What we call ordinary, He calls beautiful.  It is amazing that we don't constantly go through our day in awe and wonder at creation.  That we don't wake up with a song on our lips and a constant joy in our hearts.  Being constantly filled and sustained by God, that is the real mountaintop experience.  When we live in an intimate relationship with Christ, we are constantly in His presence.  May we breathe in deeper.