Gilded Failure

Throughout history, man has sought to make himself appear better in the eyes of the world. I believe that this urge comes from our want or need to be a success in our own eyes. We have this fear of failure, because we know that something is wrong, something that impedes our ability to be accomplished. This desire to be something stems back to Genesis where it talks about how man was exiled from the Garden of Eden and how we were shamed by our nakedness. Once sin entered the world, we were filled with shame and guilt. Moses makes the distinction that Adam and Eve had felt no shame before eating the fruit despite being completely vulnerable and open. Ever since the Fall, we have tried to make ourselves feel safe, to feel protected from the judgment of others. We have built walls around ourselves to protect us from feeling like failures. We sense the sin inside us, knowing that something is horribly wrong, but we are left with shame and try to cover it up. It’s why we try and make ourselves seem better than we are. We spend hours at work, making money and advancing our position in society so that others will look up to us and we will gain some sort of value from society. We become worth something, some dollar amount.

From early on, I was involved in sports. I loved baseball and soon began to love basketball, volleyball, golf and any other sport that I could participate in. It wasn’t just about participating. It was about being good at it. I had to win. I am what you would call a competitive person, many of my friends would probably laugh and say that’s an understatement. I love the rush of doing well at something and the feeling of accomplishment after wards, especially when I win at something. I take great pride in being good at sports and playing those sports better than others. The thing is that when I get so obsessed with being better at something than someone I lose the focus of why I started in the first place. Rock climbing is a great example of this. I love to climb. I go to a climbing gym that’s pretty close by and I can spend hours there. While I’m there, I’ll try all sorts of routes and just try to get better and better so that I can do different climbs. Then I might go climb outdoors and just the thrill of climbing and seeing the views is so exhilarating. Last year, however, I decided to enter a few competitions. I thought it might be fun and since I was getting good, I might actually do well. Sure enough I did pretty well and won a bunch of gear. The thing was though, that it wasn’t as much fun as simply climbing for the sake of climbing. I had to worry about what others were doing, I’d have to rush through climbs so that I could get to other climbs and it was no longer about climbing, but winning. I wanted to distinguish myself from the rest of the field. I wanted to stand out.

I think my desire to stand out and to excel at sports or academics or anything like that stems from the same desire to protect myself from being a failure in the eyes of others. I think we all have this fear of failing. We know that we are filled with sin and because of that we feel as though we have failed. No matter what we try or how successful we become in the world’s eyes or even in the eyes of the church, a part of us still feels like we have failed. So we build up our walls and keep people at arm’s length to protect ourselves from being judged for failing. We take pride in our accomplishments and look for respect and admiration from others to help us feel a little less like a failure. It reminds me of the woman who was caught in adultery. She was about to be stoned by the crowd and they brought her before Jesus to see what He would say about what to do with her. After questioning Him, Jesus responded like this, “Let any of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7). At this, those around Jesus began to leave one at a time until only Him and the woman were left.

He looked at her and said, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?

"No one, sir.” She said.

"Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared, “Go and leave your life of sin.”

Those around her felt their vulnerability, felt their failures and because of that could not condemn her without condemning themselves. Then Jesus looks at her, the only Man to ever be without failure and He says, “Then neither do I condemn you.” God, who is without failure looks upon the woman who has been judged by the entire town to be a failure and has compassion and Grace. Despite her vulnerability and fear, Jesus gently but firmly forgives her and loves her. Jesus sees you at your most vulnerable moments, there is nothing that you have done, are gonna do, or have even thought about doing that Jesus doesn't know about. The thing is, He still loves you. He doesn't see the failure that you may feel, but rather He sees the person that He created in love and continues to love. What stops us from being open and honest with others? Jesus loves us and knows everything about us even the things that we try to hide from others. It's simple we have met with rejection before or we have seen the judgmental side of others in the past. We work up to being vulnerable with others. When we're open and honest with others and they accept us, we often enter into a deeper relationship. Our fear of failure holds us back from these deep relationships and the sense of community that Christ calls us to. I urge all of us to make a step towards being vulnerable with others. To be open and honest about our shortcomings and to accept the faults of those around us so that we can fulfill Christ's desire for our life in being deeply relational to a hurting world.