Catching my breath only to lose it

Can you remember the last time you had your breath taken away?  Perhaps you were peering out over the Grand Canyon and experiencing the grandeur and majesty of it.  Since it is close to Christmas, perhaps you saw a spectacular light display that just amazed you.  Maybe your church service was so moving that it simply took your breath away.  All of these moments move us in some way that we can't explain.  It moves us beyond words and we simply appreciate the moment.  One of these moments that come to mind was while I was on the 7th floor of the Semien Hotel in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  Looking out over the sunrise and being so caught up in the moment, it was simply breathtaking.

But think about that moment a little more and think about how you were so overwhelming happy and satisfied that you forgot to breathe.  Or maybe it isn't so much that you forgot to breathe, but rather you held your breath hoping to stay in that moment forever.  If you could simply hold your breath, it seemed, the entire world would standstill, time would stop, and this moment would never leave.  These kind of moments are the things that you live for.  Just being so lost in the beauty of the moment that you can't see anything else.  The movie Hitch says something to the effect that life is not measured in the breaths that you take, but rather the moments that take your breath away.  There is a lot of truth in that statement.  I believe firmly that when I look back on my life, these are the moments that I will remember.  The moments where my breath was taken away and I was simply content to stay in that moment.

This leads me to my next question though:  When was the last time that God took your breath away?  Were you moved beyond words by His character or love?  In your quiet time, sitting by yourself, praying to God, have you seen God's awesome majesty and been so wrapped up in it that you feel this peace just flow through you?  These moments where God reveals part of Himself to you should be cherished.  It gives the greatest opportunity for growth and maturity, but moreover it gives us the chance to experience God's presence in our lives.  It is that tangible feeling in our hearts that allows us to see God and simply bow in adoration of Him.

I bring this up, because God has become to me completely breathtaking.  Through His beauty, love and grace, He has completely captivated me.  The more I learn who He is and the closer I draw to Him, the more I sit in awe and wonder of God.  During this first semester of Seminary, I was absolutely blown away by the heart of God.  It was so much to take in that I just wanted to sit in that moment and never leave it.  It is only now that I'm beginning to catch my breath.  Yet even while I breathe in and process the semester, I catch glimpses of God that leave me at a loss for words.   I"m mesmerized by His love and moved into quiet contemplation and active devotion.  Thomas Aquinas was once asked to continue writing his Summa Theologica, to which he replied he could not for he had caught a glimpse of God and considered all his previous work to be as straw.  So taken by God, he could no longer find the words to express it.  I wish all of God's people could experience God like this.  Imagine what this world would be like if each person were so captivated by God, so entranced by who He is and the work that He is doing that the only reasonable thing they could think to do was to offer themselves fully to God.  May each of us gaze upon the breathtaking God and be moved to deeper love for Him and His people.  May we live in the moments that God takes our breath away.

I'll play my best for Him

If you've read my blog for long, you know that I am pretty open and honest on here with my shortcomings and failures so that others and myself can grow from them.  That being said, the next line here may sound heretical to many and so I will ask your patience with me in dealing with my shortcomings.  I don't like Christmas music.  I would say it probably comes from the overplaying of the Christmas songs and that I can't seem to get away from them.  Having said that, there is a Christmas song that I absolutely love (along with a few others and most remade songs).  The song is "The Little Drummer Boy."  The reason I love this song is because it is precisely the response we should have at Christmas and indeed at all times.

The song starts out with the little drummer boy hearing about the birth of Jesus and is invited to bring a gift before Him.  Many around him are bringing fine and expensive gifts, but the young boy has nothing to bring.  All he has is his drum.  I like to think that this drum is probably worn down and beaten up a bit.  I also imagine that the drummer boy himself, while getting better, is still just a novice and is still getting used to playing the drum.  He probably misses the beat occasionally, but it is something that he loves to do.  It grieves the drummer boy that he can't offer anything to Jesus on the same magnitude of these great kings and wise men who are offering lavish gifts.  Then it occurs to him to play for Jesus.  He knows that he isn't the best drummer and that his drum isn't even the top of the line drum, but he knows that this is the greatest gift that he can offer and so he does it with all his heart.

I think that I relate to this well.  When I sit before God in my quiet time, I feel very much like the drummer boy.  It is as though I have nothing to offer God.  I sit there grasping at straws thinking about what I can offer the almighty God who created the world.  In this time, I can see the gifts of gold and beauty offered to God by others and I'm humbled by my own meager offerings.  It is here though that the line rings out, "I played my best for him."  I see my heart and how it yearns to give a greater gift before God.  I echo David's cry "Who am I ... that you have brought me thus far."  I stop comparing my gifts with others.  I take time to simply come and lay my offering before Jesus with my whole heart.  I begin to play my best for Him not thinking of anything else and giving my sole devotion to Him.

Many of us wish that we could offer something else to God.  We want to be better at evangelism or maybe better at speaking in front of people.  We beat ourselves up for not being able to give more.  We focus so often on the things that we aren't doing, that we forget to focus on the things that we are.  This is not to say that a desire for greater evangelism or deeper surrender is not good or that it shouldn't be pursued, but that in the things that we already do, that we will offer them in complete adoration of God.  That our hearts will be completely devoted to God and that we will mimic the drummer boy and play our best for Him.  This Christmas season and indeed after, I encourage all of us to realize that God knows us, He sees our heart and He smiles at our offering before Him.  He loves us, cherishes us, and relishes our offerings to Him when they are given out of love for Him.  May we simply play our best for Him.

Tell his story

I had assumed the relaxation position.  I had an ice cold mountain dew sitting on the coffee table next to me and I was reclining on the sofa with the remote control in my hand.  As I began flipping through the channels, I realized quickly that my laziness was missing just one thing, something to watch on TV.  Finally, I decided to watch Happy Feet.  I've always thought it was one of those movies that I could take or leave.  Not particularly a movie I would just put in and watch, but still a movie that I can at least sit through.  I turned to it right around the scene where the main character Mumbo is making his trek to the coast to figure out what has happened to the fish.  He quickly discovers that the humans are responsible for disrupting the food chain and have taken away all the fish.  Having vowed to save his fellow penguins from starvation, he makes the ultimate sacrifice, he dives off a cliff and follows the fishing boat to stop them from taking the fish.

Now right around this point is where I started to notice my throat begin to clench and moisture begin to appear near my eyes... yes I was beginning to tear up.  I started thinking about it and how he didn't know if he would return or if any of his efforts would have any impact, but he knew that he had to do something, anything.  He told the other penguins to tell his family goodbye and that he had done all that he could.  Then he really did all that he could and followed the boat until he washed up on shore completely exhausted and near death.  Lovelace, one of the other penguins, shouts in a loud booming voice after him, that he would be telling his story long after Mumbo is dead and gone.

The moral of the story is the sacrifice that Mumbo shows through his actions.  He chooses to sacrifice himself so that the colony of penguins can survive, despite the fact that they rejected him for being different.  Now sure, this a kids movie and please don't take this as an assault to your intelligence, I just feel that we could learn a lot from it.  This is the same kind of sacrifice that Jesus showed us.  He gave up his life so that we may have life abundantly.  He chose to give us his life despite our first condemning Him.  Whenever I see that kind of sacrifice, something deep within me wells up inside and pushes me towards a desire for greater surrender.

The title of this blog is "Longing for Passionate Surrender."  The Passionate Surrender that I'm talking about is the kind of surrender where you are so devoted to God that every part of your being shouts his praises.  It is the kind of surrender that denies self and seeks to lift up others.  It is the kind of surrender that seeks to change the world.  The kind of passion that is always seeking to bring glory to God.  Whether it be by bringing a meal to the homeless, doing your job with integrity, or speaking an encouraging word to someone.  It is about living every moment in step with the spirit of God, conforming to his will.  It is the surrender of every part of yourself to God's purposes.

Our call to surrender is one and the same as Lovelace's call in the story.  God sacrificed for us and gave us the opportunity to share in the work that he is active in doing.  He calls us to boldly proclaim the story of Christ.  To show others how Jesus has impacted our lives.  Paradoxically, we are to surrender ourselves so that we can have abundant life.   Proclaim boldly the message of Jesus.  Do it through your actions, your words and by who you are as a person.  May our message continue to repeat that Jesus IS Lord and may we never be too proud to accept the insights of a kids movie.

Lift your chains He holds the key

Someone once said, "Man is born free, but everywhere he lives in chains."  I've been thinking about this a lot lately and relating it to the context of our current culture and society.  Something seems to happen as we get older.  Instead of being free like we are when we're first born, we begin to let society throw its chains on us.  In fact this is why so many people leave the church or other institutions.  They often feel like they are being restricted or controlled and so they leave in the attempts to assert their freedom.  A brief look at history tells us that freedom is something that civilizations have cherished and desired for millennia.  There is something deep within us that tells us that we were meant to be free.  So how is it that we have lost our freedom?  Why are we living in chains?

Our definition of freedom has been lost.  Instead we have settled for a cheap mockery of it.  People long ago knew what freedom was.  They fought and died to give freedom to the slave, they fought and died to give freedom to a nation and we have cheapened it by making it into a do what feels good concept.  Society tells us that freedom comes from having no restraints.  Being able to do whatever we want whenever we want, that is what society calls freedom.  This is an impostor of real freedom.  We have been made to believe in this blatant lie.  Night after night people continue to try to satisfy those soul cravings that lie deep within.  They try to fill it with partying, drinking, drugs, etc.  The guilt weighs on them, anxiety continues to loom and the cycle starts over.  They're trapped in a vicious cycle, unable to break free.  All this in pursuit of freedom?  People claim to be free, but it is often a thinly veiled disguise to cover up the guilt, shame and anxiety that they really feel.  There is hope of real lasting freedom.  The freedom offered by Jesus Christ.

Paul says, "It is for freedom that you have been set free!" (Gal 5:1).  Many people don't know what to make of this statement.  They've always believed that the church is an organization bent on imposing its rule on others.  This is not the case, as Paul says, it is for freedom that we have been set free.  In fact, having faith in Christ is what gives real freedom.  It is the freedom to know that your sins are forgiven that God has made you and loves you and wants you to enjoy this world.  Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10).  He wants us to be free, to enjoy life, to take pleasure in His creation.  Why do we continue to insist on settling for the lies of society

There is a great song by Casting Crowns, called Set Me Free, that portrays a powerful image throughout.  It is a story of a man who has been weighed down with the world.  He has been wrapped in chains and he says, "Now I live among the dead".  He cries out to be set free.  He cries out hoping for some way to be rid of the chains that hold him down.  Screaming at the top of his lungs he calls out to God asking for freedom.  Jesus asks him, "Do you want to be free?  Lift your chains I hold the key."  It's such an accurate portrayal of so many people that I know, myself included.  We have been bogged down with anxieties and worries, with fears and doubts, and we are no longer free.  Our sins continue to weigh on us, trapping us in a cycle that we can't break free of.  The sinful desires that we once overpowered, now hold us in bondage and slavery fooling us into thinking that we are free.

It is time that we break out of this prison that we have been held in.  We must learn to passionately seek after the things on God's heart while ignoring the things that drive us away from it.  The further we are from His heart, the further we are from freedom.  I believe that it deeply grieves God to see His people trapped in sin, refusing to acknowledge that they are slaves.  It is heartbreaking to see people pursuing sinful desires trumpeting freedom.  We were meant for so much more than this.  It is for freedom that we have been set free.  The freedom to make a stand, to live without worry or anxiety, the freedom from shame and guilt, the freedom to live in pursuit of a glorious King who grants us life abundantly.  May we learn to break the chains holding us.  May we see the lies for what they are, that we may live a free life of devotion to God.  May we be set free from the worldly desires that ensnare us and the sins that enslave us.  May we lift our chains for He holds the key.

Bring the rain

As Thanksgiving is this week, many of us are telling each other what we're thankful for and we are beginning to count our blessings.  This has been on my mind of late and I think if I'm honest then I've had a shallow view of what it means to be blessed.  Let me explain.  Whenever I talk with someone about the blessings in my life, I mention how blessed I am to have two wonderful parents who support me or that I have been blessed with talents and abilities that I am able to enjoy.  I may even say that someone else blessed me by giving me something that I really wanted.  I would wager that many of us do this.  We look at the positive things in our life and say that these are the things that God has blessed me with.  I would agree that these are indeed blessings, but it is only part of the picture, before I elaborate on this I want to point us to scripture.

Looking at the story of Joseph we see a laundry list of sufferings that he endures.  He is thrown down a well, sold into slavery, wrongly accused of adultery, thrown in prison, and forgotten.  If we were to go through this and use the same definition of blessing that we use in our lives, we would be hard-pressed to find any sort of blessing from God in this.  In fact, we would wager that the only real blessing came near the end of this story where Joseph was elevated to the number 2 guy in Egypt.  Joseph makes a comment, however, that should take us off guard, in speaking to his brothers he says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen. 50:20).  Joseph is saying that God's plan was behind it the whole time.  God intended all of those sufferings for good.  It was a blessing.  Joseph has a completely different perspective than us on suffering.  He is grateful for going through that, because the suffering was given to him by God so that many lives would be saved on account of him.

Then if we turn to the new testament we see yet another instance of this different perspective.  In Acts, the apostles are going around preaching the message of Christ.  They are constantly telling others about the redemption and restoration given through the sacrifice of Jesus.  The Pharisees are staunchly against this message and so the Sanhedrin comes together and arrests them and even considers killing them for preaching about Christ.  Instead, Gamaliel speaks on their behalf and they decide to let them go, but not before flogging them and ordering them not to speak the name of Jesus.  The fascinating thing here is that in the very next verse we see their reaction.  It says, "The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name." (Acts 5:41).  They had just been flogged and in my mind, I'm sure that it was far from a light flogging, but yet they leave rejoicing at being able to share in the suffering of Christ.  They look at it not as suffering, but as a blessing.

James later writes, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith develops perserverance." (James 1:2-3).  As you look through scripture, you begin to see that while God does bless us with very tangible blessings, He also intends our suffering to be seen as a blessing.

Now I am not suggesting that when going through suffering, that you cannot grieve or mourn as these things are necessary in the midst of suffering.  Jesus wept when Lazarus died and he even sweat drops of blood in the garden before he endured the Cross.  In fact, in the stories that I shared from scripture, I am sure that there were times where each of these people were probably a bit depressed or mourning in some way.  The point was that they were able to look back at their sufferings and see God's hand in it and how he used it to bless them.  They had a renewed perspective after enduring suffering.

Several years ago, I was involved in a mountain biking accident.  Most, if not everyone reading this blog, is aware of that accident, but I will share it nonetheless.  As I was training for a mountain bike race, I went off a jump and landed it wrong.  My front tire hit the ground first, stopping the bike immediately, while I went over the handlebars face first into a tree.  Getting up, I recognized that something wasn't right.  My lip had been severely lacerated all the way through, 3 teeth had been knocked out, 3 teeth had been broken, and the roof of my mouth had been lacerated and had somewhat collapsed.  It was a brutal accident, that left me without the ability to eat solid food for 2 and a half weeks and left me severely hindered in speaking.  The next several months I had many dental appointments and appointments with various other doctors as they tried their best to restore me to what I was before the accident.  This was one of those life-defining moments.

I was frustrated, confused, scared, and generally upset.  I just couldn't understand why this was happening to me.  Following the initial months came the surgeries that would be required to repair my teeth.  The price of this was enormous and my family knew that affording the surgeries would be a huge cost.  One day my dad came home and told me that he had sold his boat so that he could pay for my teeth.  My dad showed an incredible amount of love in that moment.  He sacrificed something that was dear to him for me.  You see, this time in my life was certainly a moment of suffering and a complete state of confusion, but through all of this God's hand of blessing was on me.  He showed me love and cared for me.  He knew my hurt and He hurt with me.  All the while, God reassured me that it was for my blessing that I would endure this.  After many years of talking about this story and enduring all the things that have gone along with this, God has shown me that it was a blessing.  He has given me a new perspective.

Many of us are going through a lot this holiday season.  The economy is still only barely recovering, many have lost their homes due to flooding or foreclosures, and more are unsure of how to make ends meet.  It is a time of great suffering and much lament.  As we approach this season of gratitude though, I wonder if we were to gain new perspective on our sufferings could we begin to see them as blessings?  When we count our blessings this season, may we accept the good with the bad.  In the words of Mercy Me, "Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you glory.   And I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you Jesus bring the rain." 

Settling for normal

What a fantastic week.  Saturday began with a bible study, that gave me a great new perspective while reordering my priorities.  The following day before and during church, I realized a desire in myself to be more wholly surrendered to God and my need for greater sacrifice.  Then Monday came and I had an amazing conversation with my spiritual director who helped point me further along this path that had begun on Saturday.  This all culminated on Wednesday afternoon as I sat in the quiet library of the Jesuit center overlooking the front lawn.  In the stillness, I could feel God's presence as He sat with me and spoke words of love.  It has left me with a joy that is inexpressible and at the same time must be expressed.  It wells deep within me and is in my very soul, burning to come forth.  If I tried to contain it, I would cause detriment to myself, so it must pour out of me unto others.  This joy has taken me completely as Jeremiah says, "A fire in my bones."  It must not and cannot stay locked within me for fear that if it does, it shall consume me completely or rather be squelched within me bringing none of the fruit that it was meant to bring.  For if I do not share it, it will surely subside and I will have to settle for normal.

It is a curious thing that we do as humans and Americans in particular.  We have the imprint of God written on our hearts.  The creation around us sings of His glory and yet we settle for satisfaction from temporary things.  Our soul cravings cry out for the eternal so we give it that which is finite.  I know I've done it plenty of times.  I've settled for things that do not satisfy and leave me with a hunger for something more.  It is as though my soul is starving and so I give it a teaspoon of sugar hoping to satisfy.  We were born for more than this.  We born for the joy that wells deep within us that comes bursting forth leaving us completely transformed.

I think that which grieves the Lord's heart is when we settle for good things, when we were meant for far greater things.  When was it that we stopped dreaming?  When did we accept the world around us and settle for being normal?  When did those dreams of changing the world, of making a difference, when did these fade?  Whatever your opinion of Lawrence of Arabia, I think his quote here is applicable, "Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it was vanity:  but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible."  Os Guinness took this further and said, "Dreamers of the day respond to the gap between vision and reality by closing it."  So I say again, why have we stopped dreaming?  Why have we settled for normal when joy that springs from eternity has been given freely to us.  Instead of looking around us and saying, "woe is us look at we must deal with", we must look around us and say, "blessed are we, that we may be instruments of change and thus be given the high calling of sharing in God's work in this world."  May we challenge the status quo, may we be the change we want to see in the world, may we not settle for normal.

Imago Dei

I've been doing a lot of reading lately for Seminary.  It's really cool, but because of the shear amount of it, I don't always process it right away.  This happened the other day.  I read a part from Renovation of The Heart by Dallas Willard.  In it, Willard quotes C.S. Lewis who is talking about the fact that there are "no ordinary people."  Lewis says, "You have never talked to a mere mortal.  Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat.  But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors."  What Lewis is getting at here is the fact that we are made in the image of God and have been granted an immortal soul that is capable of changing the shape of the world.  We are beings that reflect God's creativity and He considers us the crown of His creation.  When God looks at us, He sees the vast potential that each of us possess. Each of us is unique and has different strengths and weaknesses.  The person that you saw along the street the other day was  made in the image of God.  The coworker that annoys you every day at work was made in the image of God.  The homeless person that you pass by on your way home from work was made in the image of God.  Every person you come in contact with, whether currently capable of capturing your awe or not, was made in the image of God.

I've heard the statements before, that everyone is unique and if we could only look at others through God's eyes then we would see how truly special they are.  It's never quite hit home with me until now.  This idea of the immortal soul of a person and the fact that each person is made in God's image struck me the other day while I was driving.  What if we started looking at people as God's image-bearers rather than simply some random stranger?  I looked around at the other drivers and got a sense that God loved them.  That he looked at them and said you bear my image and I desire to have a relationship with you.  It gave me a new perspective on people.  Those people that drive you crazy or those people you pass by on the street.  Each of them bears the image of God.  Christ says, "whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me."  This continues to point towards the fact that God has stamped His image on us.  Just imagine if everyone began to have a higher view of people.  If we began to look at each other not as some person to be used or tolerate, but instead as a person who is to be inspired to greatness.  The term "Imago dei" means image of God.  It is used in description of us.  We are image bearers for the sovereign God of the universe.  Our potential to shape the world and radically alter our surroundings is unrivaled throughout the rest of creation.  We are the pinnacle of God's glorious handiwork.  Through the chaos and worries of life, we have somehow lost this high view of humans.  We have condemned ourselves and labeled ourselves as sinners and unworthy of God's love.  While it is true that we were once slaves to sin, it is equally true that God has made us uniquely for His purposes.

Brandon Heath has a song that asks the question, "If it takes just one, what if I'm the one?"  When you look around at your work, when you're at the store, when you're driving around town, look at people.  Each of them has the potential for amazing good all they need is to be inspired.  All they need is sense of hope and encouragement.  There have been many studies that have shown that the act of one person can radically alter someone's behavior.  Just one person.  If we are to change the world, it first begins by acknowledging that those around us are no mere mortals, but rather are crafted in the image of God.  If it takes just one to change the world, what if you're the one?

Gilded sin

For a long time now, I have seen myself as being full of Pride and that that has been my greatest fault.  I boldly tell others that I have been struggling with Pride and I wish for humility.  I am certainly not alone in this fight.  This seems to be a common trait in America especially among Christians.  We have taken on a very pharisee-like approach to Christianity.  The more and more we know about God and the more "holy" we become lead us to becoming more prideful and then we declare to everyone that the greatest sin in our lives is our pride.  Here is the problem with this, we use the terminology "Pride" or "Self-righteousness".  These terms, while negative, can also have positive connotations.  We take pride in doing a good job, we are proud of our friend's accomplishments, we are especially proud of those in our family who have done great things or simply proud to be in their family.  So when we say pride we are actually, unconsciously saying we've done well and now all that's left is this pride thing which really isn't that big of a deal.  We have made Pride into what Jerry Bridges would call a "Respectable Sin".  We have allowed ourselves to gild the sin with a glossy coating and count it as less than other outward sins.  This is a sad state that we cannot allow ourselves to stay in.  What if we were to chip away the gilding of the sin and call pride for what it is: arrogance, selfishness, ego-centric?  These words paint a grotesque picture.  It shows us as superior to others which is often at the very heart of pride.  By calling out pride for what it really is, we expose the true ugliness that lies within.

Now we must also acknowledge that there are different types of arrogance.  There is the type of arrogance that breeds off of the praises of others.  We do things to look good in front of others.  We live for the Audience of Many as Os Guinness puts it.  This is one of the biggest problems that we face as Christians.  We are called to do acts of service in our response to God's Love for us.  These acts of service often are accompanied by gratitude and thanks mixed with applause.  If we are not careful this becomes the goal of those acts of service.  We may also seek to live holy lives in response to God's love.  One of the problems that soon arise, however, is that people see us as being holy or somehow set apart and thus the reasoning behind our quest for holiness has changed from God's love, to the admiration of others.  These acts of service or praise driven holiness begin to build up glass facades that come shattering down when our sinful nature is exposed.  Our outward selves have been built up around us in the effort to mask that which lies underneath.  It is this type of arrogance that makes Christians so often labeled as hypocrites.  We claim to have this spiritual maturity and thus have a lack of sin in our lives.  We pass ourselves off as holy, when in reality we are still stuck in sin.  When we fall, we fall hard and far.

The other type of arrogance that we must be aware of and protect against is far more malicious.  C.S. Lewis remarked in Mere Christianity that "The real black, diabolical Pride comes from when you look down on others so much that you do not care what they think of you."  Building off this point, Os Guiness says that, we "... live before an Audience of one, but the audience is not God but us."  You see we can often become so arrogant that we consider ourselves so much better than others that neither the praise of men nor the rebuke of men can affect us.  If we think that we are better than others, then our acts of service merely become obligations of the privileged rather than genuine love for others.  The love that God commanded us to have is lost and replaced by a cheap imitation that no more resembles the original then my attempt at painting the Mona Lisa.  This type of arrogance makes us pray like the Pharisee, thanking God for making us not like the tax collector.  It puts us in the place of God.

If we are to confront our Pride and make a change then we must stop trying to sugar-coat it and expose the ugliness that is there.  Arrogance, conceit, self-promotion, all of these seek to put ourselves first and everything else second.  This includes God.  I think this is why God says that he detests pride.  He says that pride comes before the fall.  I think He was talking literally about THE Fall.  The serpent in the garden persuaded Eve to eat of the fruit by saying that you will be like God.  Out of that desire, she took a bite and then Adam, enticed as well by the prospect of being like God, took a bite.  They chose themselves over God.  We trusted our own ways in the garden over God's assuming that we were right in our methods.  We chose our pride and arrogance over the loving relationship of God.

This reminds me of a story that happened a few years ago.  I had spent a great weekend with a friend at my grandparents' house and we were driving back to her home to drop her off.  I said, "turn right up ahead."

She said, "No, no its up a little more."

I said, "Are you sure?" 

She told me, "I think I know the way to my own home." 

My pride had stepped in, thinking I knew better.  People who know me, know that this a common occurrence with me.  This, however, is NOT okay.  Understanding the gravity of arrogance, we should be seeking to humble ourselves on a moment by moment basis.  I believe that David, a man after God's own heart, after seeing this level of pride in his life would have long ago torn his clothes, put on a sackcloth and ashes and humbled himself before the Lord seeking repentance.  Let us not gild our sin of conceit, but rather understand the magnitude and the far-reaching effects it has.

Unearned Approval

The other night I was sitting around a campfire with several of the Program and Leadership staff for summer camp.  We began singing several contemporary worship songs and we came to a song that was talking about being in love with God.  It has the line "Faithful, you are faithful, I have found nothing but Good in your heart."  I started thinking about it some more though and was envisioning Jesus saying that to me.    I think we can all agree that we want God's approval.  When we see God say, in the parable of the talents, "Well done, good and faithful servant," we long to hear God saying that to us.  I think if we're honest with ourselves we often try to somehow attain God's approval, as though if we don't do just the right thing, then we will be looked on like the wicked servant.  You see I think that while we all know that God is loving, we may often look at Him as being very stingy with His approval.  I think this is actually against what God wants for our lives.  You see God doesn't want us to do ministry for the sake of gaining His approval.  He wants us to do ministry out of our Love for Him.

Paul says that we are dead to our old selves and are made into new creations.  We have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer we that live, but Christ who lives within us.  When God looks at me, He sees Christ not myself, for Christ was put on the cross and became sin and by doing so washed me clean.  I already have God's approval because Christ dwells within me.  This unearned approval should bring with it an unshakable peace.  Here is the God of the universe and He not only loves us, but approves of us and continues to call us faithful.  This does not mean of course that we are "free" to abuse God's Grace but rather we are given the freedom to worship God out of Gratitude and Love and not out of a desire to gain approval.  I think I was really shocked by this realization, because when it hit me, I suddenly felt a strong peace.  As though this whole time of being in ministry was my attempt to earn Grace and God's approval.  When I realized that no matter what I do I still have God's approval, my work in ministry became far less about me and far more about Christ and what He is doing in my life. 

Slow Fade

Chile is one of those places that simply takes your breath away.  The rocky coastline gives way to rolling hills of forests which is followed by the Andes which rise up and look out over the metropolis, which is Santiago.  The landscape is so diverse, from having rolling vineyards to peaks capped with snow.  The scenery just blows you away from the moment you step off the plane.  There was one point in particular that I am reminded of; we were driving back from the coastal town of Iloca with the sun beginning to set beyond the hills.  As it did so, the rolling hills of trees were painted with various hews of red, orange and purple.  It was absolutely beautiful and displayed God's glory for everyone to see.  Living in Pennsylvania, you don't see this splendor.  So I began thinking about what it would be like to live in Chile.  To be there every day and constantly be blown away by this beautiful landscape.  I noticed that while my hosts acknowledged that it was beautiful, it did not impact them in the same manner.  I thought about how that is true in my own life here in the States.  Sure I notice the splendor for a while, but I soon become numb to it and I barely notice it after a while.  In fact the reason why I was so blown away by the scenery around me was because it was different from what I was used to.  I firmly believe that I would eventually grow accustomed to the landscape and thus rarely notice the wonders around me.

I get that way with God a lot of the time.  Every now and then, I am blown away by the beauty of God.  His splendor seems to permeate everything around me and I get lost in His love.  It is as though God has been absent for so long and suddenly He appears in a miraculous way, but that isn't it at all.  Instead, I have lost sight of God during those other times.  I have allowed the constant presence of Jesus to slowly fade and seem mundane to me, yet God is at work in my life every day.  Recently, I was talking with my spiritual director and he told me to do a daily examine.  Basically this is a time for me to simply sit and contemplate where I have seen God at work in my life.  Now, I'll be honest, at first I had a hard time seeing where God was in my day.  I think that primarily the reason behind that was that I simply wasn't paying attention.  I wasn't looking to see God in my everyday actions, but rather I was simply going through my normal day.  By looking for God at work in my day, He becomes visible.  I can see the hand of God move in my life in the smallest of ways.  It reminds me that I need to be more observant throughout my day, so that I can carefully watch for God's presence.  It is a constant struggle to keep God at the forefront of my thoughts and a daily battle to ensure that Christ's splendor displayed in my life does not slowly fade to monotony.

Soli Deo Gloria

Lately it seems I’ve had a difficult time really being motivated to write. I think I’ve been so focused on making sure that it sounds good or sounds like something a publisher might want to read that I’ve forgotten what my purpose in writing was to begin with. My ability to write comes not from my own merit but from God. It is something that He has gifted me with so that I can bring glory to Him. If I am to write and enjoy writing, I must remember why I am to write. Recently at my writing group I heard a quote that said, "Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer." I think that this really speaks to me and helps me realize what my true purpose behind writing should be. I think I often try to make some great philosophical point in my writings so that others see me as being thought provoking or more spiritual, there are other times where I really just write from the heart. I think it is those times that I feel more at peace with my writing. When I just open up my heart to reveal everything that is there good or bad, I feel that is when I am most comfortable with my writing. I tend to get nervous or dissatisfied with my writing when I do it for the possibility of getting recognition.

A couple weeks ago, I was in Chile on a missions trip. We arrived on Saturday morning after a long, 18 hour flight. I was of course tired, having slept only 3 hours on the plane ride, however, as it is said, there is no rest for the weary. My dad and I went to our host’s house where I spent a bit of the day meeting the family and friends. I was asked to speak that night at the young adult gathering, so for part of the day I was also putting the final touches on my talk. The whole day I was worried about what I was going to say. I was worried that I was going to provide a message that was either culturally irrelevant or wouldn’t be well received by those listening. My stomach was even a bit upset over the whole thing further complicating matters. Finally, I thought about what it was that God wanted me to say, and that it was God who wanted me to say it. It was then that I was reminded, that if I do something for the Lord then what can possibly stand against me. If I am in step with the Spirit and following Jesus then it matters little what anyone else thinks about me, a concept that I seem to be in constant need of reminding. I gave the talk on the Prodigal Son and brought my own life story into it. I was open and vulnerable with it and afterward I received some great feedback concerning it and found that it had been used by God to impact several people in the congregation. I knew that I had done it not for my own recognition but for God's.

That Monday we left for a small coastal town in Chile where we were to build a house for a woman whose home was destroyed in the Tsunami almost a year ago. While we had some power tools, most of the work was to be done with a hammer and nails. The task for the first day was to simply get the floor completely finished and move onto putting up a couple walls. Throughout the first couple hours of the task, I began to develop blisters on my hands. By the time the floor was finished and the walls up, I had some pretty bad blisters which I subsequently popped. The thing was I didn’t once look at my watch during that time. I just kept working on the house until my host mentioned it was time to eat and then leave around 7 o’clock at night.

The next day we again set to work on the house, working as hard as we could trying to get as much done as possible. We started to get the roof installed that day, which meant that I spent a decent amount of time on top of the house arranging the rafters. The sun was high that day in the middle of the hot Chilean summer. I could feel it warm on my neck as I continued to hammer in the nails into the roof with my blistered hands. We worked for hours that day and yet again 7 o’clock rolled in and it was time to leave and I had yet to look at my watch during the day.

The final day of working on the house was much like the other two, except now I had a bad sunburn and blisters, that had begun to callous. I worked without complaint and without looking at my watch. I thought about that during the rest of my trip because under any other circumstances I would have checked my watch to determine how much longer I was going to be there. Many times on other jobs, I have counted down the hours till I was off or the countless times in school where I would stare at the clock waiting for it to dismiss from class. Here I was, with blisters on my hands and a sunburn that had started to blister and peel and I was perfectly content in working and staying as long as I had to. I wasn’t getting paid to be there, I was simply there building a house for a woman because it was what God had asked of me at the time. It reminds me of Bach. Johann Sebastian Bach is one of the most renowned composers of all time and is in the company of composers such as Beethoven and Mozart. There is something however that separates him from his peers. He would end all of his compositions with the letters SDG, which stood for Soli Deo Gloria or To the Glory of God Alone. Bach chose to do all of his composers in praise of God. It was not his desire to gain attention for himself, but rather he did it to bring pleasure to God.

This should be our model as well. We see that Jesus did the same thing throughout scripture. He always pointed to God. In John 7, we see Jesus interacting with the crowds and in verse 16 He says, "My teaching is not my own. It comes from the one who sent me." Jesus always points back to His Father. While Jesus always managed to do it, we certainly struggle significantly more. We do things to bring glory to ourselves often and have to constantly remind ourselves to do things for God's glory and not our own. A friend at a camp once told me that if the kids leave singing our praises then we have missed our mission. When people looked at the disciples in Acts they knew that their confidence and passion was not from them, but from God. We should strive for the same. Let our passion and love for others show Christ to others. May we give all the glory to God so that we become less and He becomes more.

Love first, ask questions later

St. Francis of Assisi once said, "Preach the Gospel always, when necessary use words." This is a statement that I have recently gotten to see in practice. Last week, I spent some time in Chile where I met an amazing family whose love for God is contagious. They have lived out their faith and have made it the central focus of their life. It was remarkable talking to them and hearing what they were doing around the world. Their ministry has affected the lives of hundreds of Chileans and has impacted the lives of many more around the world. Their mission has been simple and that has been to love others as Christ has loved them.

Sitting on the patio of my host's house, I saw this small stray cat. It was rather small and had clearly missed quite a few meals. At the time, it was trying to get at a small bit of water. I got down off the chair and attempted to simply show it some attention. Being a stray, it was unused to attention and thus ran off without any water. I thought about that for a while and how similar it was to the world. There are many people out there who have been hurt by Christians or have been turned away from Christianity because of some bad experiences in the church. They have seen us as hypocrites and judgmental. The reason why though is because we have often lost track of our vision or calling. We have traded it in for condemning others and making ourselves out to be perfect. In James it tells us that faith without action is dead. It says, "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" (James 2:15-17) If we are to overcome the animosity against us we must first love and continue to love as Christ loved us. Just like the cat who was wary of people and needed first to be shown that I was trying to help, people need to see our message of love and hope and know that we care before they will be willing to listen to our message.

This is how my host has treated the small town of Iloca. Iloca is a small town on the coast of Chile where almost a year ago, it was ravaged by a Tsunami caused by an Earthquake just off the Chilean coast. While the people were able to get to high ground in time, many of the houses were completely destroyed. Many people were left homeless and many were left with nothing. Their entire livelihoods were taken by the Tsunami. My host and his organization has spent the last year building homes for these people. They have raised money and brought teams down from many different churches to provide this very basic need to the people of Iloca. Around town, he is known as Papo because of the work that he has done there. He has gotten to know the people and through his actions the town has seen his love and passion and has desired to know where it comes from. After a year of building relationships and 26 houses, the village has asked Papo to plant a church there. They want to know where the love that he shows comes from. They can see something different in him and the rest of his family and desire to have that same passion and love. Going to the first church service in Iloca, I was humbled to witness as many people came to listen to the message and subsequently gave their life to Christ, many of whom, were friends of Papo.

Too often we as Christians are so focused in preaching the Gospel that we forget to show the Gospel. We get into debates with people, we argue our viewpoints, we ridicule others, and we tell others where they have gone wrong and are in need of repentance. We forget that Jesus first showed His love to them. People around Him knew that He cared. They saw the love in His actions and eagerly listened to His words. Their desire for repentance stemmed from His love for them when they were strangers. Jesus desires us to love people and to share the Gospel with them. As Papo illustrated to me in Iloca, Chile, we must love first, and ask questions later.

Gilded Failure

Throughout history, man has sought to make himself appear better in the eyes of the world. I believe that this urge comes from our want or need to be a success in our own eyes. We have this fear of failure, because we know that something is wrong, something that impedes our ability to be accomplished. This desire to be something stems back to Genesis where it talks about how man was exiled from the Garden of Eden and how we were shamed by our nakedness. Once sin entered the world, we were filled with shame and guilt. Moses makes the distinction that Adam and Eve had felt no shame before eating the fruit despite being completely vulnerable and open. Ever since the Fall, we have tried to make ourselves feel safe, to feel protected from the judgment of others. We have built walls around ourselves to protect us from feeling like failures. We sense the sin inside us, knowing that something is horribly wrong, but we are left with shame and try to cover it up. It’s why we try and make ourselves seem better than we are. We spend hours at work, making money and advancing our position in society so that others will look up to us and we will gain some sort of value from society. We become worth something, some dollar amount.

From early on, I was involved in sports. I loved baseball and soon began to love basketball, volleyball, golf and any other sport that I could participate in. It wasn’t just about participating. It was about being good at it. I had to win. I am what you would call a competitive person, many of my friends would probably laugh and say that’s an understatement. I love the rush of doing well at something and the feeling of accomplishment after wards, especially when I win at something. I take great pride in being good at sports and playing those sports better than others. The thing is that when I get so obsessed with being better at something than someone I lose the focus of why I started in the first place. Rock climbing is a great example of this. I love to climb. I go to a climbing gym that’s pretty close by and I can spend hours there. While I’m there, I’ll try all sorts of routes and just try to get better and better so that I can do different climbs. Then I might go climb outdoors and just the thrill of climbing and seeing the views is so exhilarating. Last year, however, I decided to enter a few competitions. I thought it might be fun and since I was getting good, I might actually do well. Sure enough I did pretty well and won a bunch of gear. The thing was though, that it wasn’t as much fun as simply climbing for the sake of climbing. I had to worry about what others were doing, I’d have to rush through climbs so that I could get to other climbs and it was no longer about climbing, but winning. I wanted to distinguish myself from the rest of the field. I wanted to stand out.

I think my desire to stand out and to excel at sports or academics or anything like that stems from the same desire to protect myself from being a failure in the eyes of others. I think we all have this fear of failing. We know that we are filled with sin and because of that we feel as though we have failed. No matter what we try or how successful we become in the world’s eyes or even in the eyes of the church, a part of us still feels like we have failed. So we build up our walls and keep people at arm’s length to protect ourselves from being judged for failing. We take pride in our accomplishments and look for respect and admiration from others to help us feel a little less like a failure. It reminds me of the woman who was caught in adultery. She was about to be stoned by the crowd and they brought her before Jesus to see what He would say about what to do with her. After questioning Him, Jesus responded like this, “Let any of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7). At this, those around Jesus began to leave one at a time until only Him and the woman were left.

He looked at her and said, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?

"No one, sir.” She said.

"Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared, “Go and leave your life of sin.”

Those around her felt their vulnerability, felt their failures and because of that could not condemn her without condemning themselves. Then Jesus looks at her, the only Man to ever be without failure and He says, “Then neither do I condemn you.” God, who is without failure looks upon the woman who has been judged by the entire town to be a failure and has compassion and Grace. Despite her vulnerability and fear, Jesus gently but firmly forgives her and loves her. Jesus sees you at your most vulnerable moments, there is nothing that you have done, are gonna do, or have even thought about doing that Jesus doesn't know about. The thing is, He still loves you. He doesn't see the failure that you may feel, but rather He sees the person that He created in love and continues to love. What stops us from being open and honest with others? Jesus loves us and knows everything about us even the things that we try to hide from others. It's simple we have met with rejection before or we have seen the judgmental side of others in the past. We work up to being vulnerable with others. When we're open and honest with others and they accept us, we often enter into a deeper relationship. Our fear of failure holds us back from these deep relationships and the sense of community that Christ calls us to. I urge all of us to make a step towards being vulnerable with others. To be open and honest about our shortcomings and to accept the faults of those around us so that we can fulfill Christ's desire for our life in being deeply relational to a hurting world.

Sheer Silence

I sit here at my computer, gently tapping the keys as I type. I slow down my breathing and just sit in silence before my monitor. Silence can be rather unsettling and is something that I often seek to avoid. Personally, when I am sitting down doing something that doesn’t require any noise I turn on the TV as background noise. I attempt to drown out the silence with anything else. During the time I spent at Black Rock, I watched a Nooma video called Noise. It talks about the time that Elijah went up on the mountain and there he had the opportunity to hear the voice of God. He didn’t hear it in the earthquake, the wind or the fire, but heard it in a small barely audible whisper. I think about that a lot, how my mind is always going and trying to figure out my own path and how I seem to throw things at God not waiting long enough to hear His response to it. I just continue to ask God about other things in my life. I often wonder if He is just waiting for me to stop talking so that He can go ahead and interject His wisdom.

A couple weeks ago it was snowing outside and it began to stick to the ground. It was certainly a beautiful evening, but something about it really struck me. Late that night, I was watching TV and the dog needed to go out, so I went ahead and let her out. As I stepped outside there was a stark contrast between the TV and what was going on outside. I immediately turned off the TV and just stuck my head out of the door. It was so cool, because there was sheer silence. Normally if I stick my head outside, it doesn’t matter what time of day or what is going on I’ll hear something. For instance right now even inside my house I can hear cars moving along the road nearby, I can hear a plane passing over and dogs barking and the silent hum of electricity. That night however I heard nothing. The snow seemed to dampen all of the sounds to the point that I couldn't hear anything. The cars were either absent or the sounds completely muffled. No planes seemed to pass over, even the other ambient sounds were gone, left only with silence. It was amazing. I just allowed that moment to really fill me and allow it to impact me. I imagine that was what it was like for Elijah on the mountain. I believe that while he was there, he noticed a stark contrast between the world which seemed to assault his senses and the presence of God whose glory was able to stifle sound and left Elijah in awe.

I think, as Americans especially, we are easily distracted by sounds and things we hear. I don’t know what it is exactly about silence that is so uncomfortable. It’s possible that we hear silence and feel alone so we fill that void with something to have a semblance of company. There is a problem in this however. Without silence we have a difficult time truly listening to God. During my time in camping ministry, I have encountered the situation numerous times, where kids will be talking while I’m trying to explain something. Their inability to listen makes it difficult for them to understand what is going on next, which of course leads to frustration on both sides. Occasionally, we must be in silent before Him. We must let Him speak to us and listen. If we are going to follow after God, we will need to listen to Him and follow the example of Jesus by spending time in silence before God. It is only then can we truly hope to discern God's will for our lives. There are of course times in our lives that we must go to God and tell Him what is going on in our lives, but it is also vitally important that we allow God to respond. We have to quietly spend time in the presence of God, away from the distractions of the world and the busyness of life and simply be still and know that He is God. Only then will we be able to hear the "gentle whisper" of God.