Divine Giggle

It had been a long week at camp. I was tired, drained, a bit frustrated with a few things going on and just ready to have a break. My quiet times had suffered recently due to lack of focus and my own spiritual life was going through a bit of rocky patch. To top things off it was only the middle of the week and I was due to speak at the nightly service about the salvation and grace of God. The whole week was spent trying to plan out this talk, not sure where to begin what to say, how to make it hit home with the campers. I just could not decide what to say. Even after talking with some people who had given this talk before I was still at a loss for words. I just could not feel ok with it.

The day of the talk I spent about an hour just sitting trying to hear God. Desperately longing for some word that he wanted me to share, all I heard was my own breathing. After spending an hour in silence and feeling completely unaccomplished and more stressed than I was before I felt him whisper five words to me, Be humble like a child. With that I went ahead and began working using some of the things from other talks and trying to piece together the message that God wanted me to say. I was still unsure of my talk and wanted some reassurance so out of humility I asked someone else for help. This is far out of character for me as I'm always the one giving help. I've never felt the need to ask people for help especially public speaking. He gave me a few pointers, but just encouraged me that it was good and that it was what the campers needed to hear.

I went to the Vespers service still with butterflies in my stomach and feeling completely inadequate like a child trying to deliver a complex lecture on quantum mechanics. Gently God reassured me and told me not to worry. Two minutes into the message I could feel that God was talking now and felt great about it. I could see the campers eyes as they stared intently at me listening to the words I had to say. After about ten minutes into the talk I knew that it was all God and that the campers were being impacted by the words. At the end of it, I felt an insatiable happiness because I knew that it was what God wanted and what they needed to hear. Then it happened! I said to God, "You Rock." And like a child wrapped up in the strong arms of his father as they're playing I giggled. I could not stop giggling. This wasn't a laugh as though it were a joke, but a humble and loving giggle, where you can't stop feeling happy. Its as though your very soul is being tickled by the thought of being loved by God, by being used by God. It was what I termed the divine giggle. The giggle that signifies your love for God as a child of Him. It reminded me of the time when I was a young child and I had just been given Winnie the pooh sheets. I was so happy. Nothing else mattered in that moment than those sheets. Just like that moment as a child I was able to experience the same joy over being wrapped in the arms of God. I have analyzed the idea of being like a child many times, but never before have I been so much of a child before God. My challenge from now is to have the courage to giggle over the divine Love of God.