Over the last number of months I've been taking a leadership class at church. It has been a thought provoking class, that has really been instrumental in forming me for my work in ministry. Recently the question came up, when is it ok to simply back off from a person? We've all been there. Someone you interact with is constantly disruptive or constantly trying to subvert you. Perhaps they're simply not getting it and won't listen to your advice. When is it ok to stop casting pearls to swine? Is this not what Jesus said in Matthew 7:6? When is enough enough?
This is such a hard question to answer. If you've been in this situation, you know how difficult it is. Someone is constantly trying to subvert you, constantly seeking to work against you, and hindering you from your work. The only thing you can think to do is either fight back or avoid them entirely. Maybe it's that person that you've been trying to invest in and nothing is happening. You continue to get beaten back and you just don't know how to get through to them. You've tried everything you can think of and nothing is working. They're still in the same place that they were and you can't think of anything else to do. There's a book by Henry Cloud that talks about this situation and he puts people into three different categories, wise, foolish and evil. The wise person is the one who listens to you, takes the good advice and works to enact it. The foolish person is the person who constantly disregards instruction, who just doesn't "get it" and no matter how much you invest in them, nothing seems to work. The evil person is the one who is out to get you. Who will actively try to go behind your back and impede your vision. Cloud's plan of action here is to invest more time into the wise, stop wasting time with the foolish and avoid the evil person entirely.
This serves as a great reminder for us. Not because it is good advice, but because many of us have actually done this. You see the idea of writing someone off as foolish or evil and thus not worth your time or investment is as far from the teachings of Jesus as possible. Certainly you don't cast pearls to swine, but you do throw food to them so that they grow and mature. This statement comes in the same passage that says, "Do not judge, lest you be judged." and goes on to say that "with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Cost of Discipleship makes a great point on this passage and says that those who live without Jesus are totally depraved, incapable of real good. They do not need our condemnation. They need our love and to be shown hope in God's restoration. If we condemn them by the world's standards then we suggest that all they have to do is change that behavior and they'll be considered good. This misses the point entirely in that the restoring work of Jesus in your life is the only way to be considered righteous. When Jesus says, "don't give to dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs." He is not saying that you can just leave them alone and never talk to them. He is saying that you must meet them where they are. Give to them what they need first. Him.
I can't tell you how many times I've written someone off and simply ignored them because I found it easier than to put up with them. I had figured that my own vision was more important than dealing with them. The problem is that when I did that, I had lost my purpose that God had given me. While Jesus was on Earth, he healed those who were sick, he tried desperately to point out to the Pharisees their sin, and he died on a cross for those who mocked and beat him. Jesus spent his life restoring creation, in particular the brokenness found in people. You see your purpose in life is to join in Christ's restoring work in this world. Everyone is broken. You, me, we're all broken people. We must realize just how important this is. How deeply it impacts our lives. In Romans it says that all of creation groans as we wait for the future redemption. Those you write off as fools and enemies are broken people who are in need of restoration.
C.S. Lewis once pointed out that you have never met a mere man. Things in this world are mortal, kingdoms, companies, etc. but those we work with, laugh with, or snub are immortal. As he puts it "Immortal horrors or everlasting splendors." That is a haunting statement for anyone who has ever disregarded someone. You have the opportunity to bring restoration into the soul of anyone you meet. Even if its just a smile or putting up with their poor attitude. You have an impact on them. The way you interact and deal with someone that is difficult can make the difference between them being an immortal horror or an everlasting splendor. Each person has potential. Sometimes that potential is deep beneath their brokenness and you have to draw it out. In most cases, it is hard and you won't feel like doing it. As a Christian though, we are to follow Christ's example.
One of the most famous lines that Jesus ever spoke was "Love your enemies as yourself." Unfortunately, I think we only pay lip service to it. We acknowledge that is what we are called to, but too often we simply comment that it is hard and therefore we'll get it next time. I know that that is how it has most often played out in my life. If things get hard or difficult, I simply ignore the person or just work around them to accomplish the task at hand. I don't take the time to truly love my enemies. Now certainly, if Christ didn't love his enemies then how could he possibly call us to do the same. So did he? The answer is simple, of course he did and who were his enemies? We were. The entire human race is plagued with sin. Because of our sin we are in active rebellion to God. We put him on the cross and tortured him. Yet Christ endured it for our sake and demonstrated perfectly how to love one's enemies. To do everything and then some.
Now hear me out, I'm not suggesting that you should be a doormat and simply let them walk all over you. You're not drawing out the potential within them and you're not restoring brokenness by doing that. As we said earlier you need to give to the dogs and pigs what they need. Being easy to trample over is not what they require. You may need to show them tough love, but that love never comes with neglect and is always done in a way that seeks to draw out their potential and restore the brokenness in their life. Can you imagine if Paul had never received the aid of Ananias after his conversion? Paul was actively against the church and exterminating them one house at a time. If ever there was an enemy to be avoided by anyone in the church it was Paul. Yet Ananias was called by God to show love and compassion on Paul. If Ananias had refused, Paul may have continued to not eat and drink and we would have never had many of the epistles found in the New Testament. What if that person that you consider to be foolish or worse is hiding behind deep brokenness that once restored will unlock in them the potential to change the shape of the world?
In The Lord of The Rings, Frodo notices the creature Gollum in the Mine of Moria. He says, "It was a pity that Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance."
Gandalf replies, "Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you
give it to them? Then be not too eager to deal out death in the name of
justice, fearing for your own safety. Even the wise cannot see all ends. In my heart I feel that Gollum has some part left to play in this story for good or evil."
I think this statement speaks to this idea very well. Will we neglect and write off people who deserve restoration? Or will we do the exact opposite of what our culture says to do with troublesome people? Will we love them and draw out their potential? Will we look past their brokenness and see in them the once beautiful image that they were made to reflect? Will we endure their persecution and hate and overcome it with compassion and love? Will we love well?
