My thing

So I have this thing about my DVD collection. Those who know me can attest to this. Each DVD must be in alphabetical order and must be facing the correct direction at all times. If any DVD is out of place, I know it. If they are turned in a direction that is not what it is supposed to be, I know it. Every now and then after I've purchased several more movies I will spend an hour or more reorganizing the DVD collection to ensure that it is in alphabetical order once more. To most it seems rather amusing, sometimes obsessive, and other times just plain weird. It does make perfect sense however.



You see, I work in camping ministry where on a daily basis I'm met with new obstacles in a seemingly haphazard manner. There are days where everything runs smoothly, but we normally call those the weekend. I have to compensate for things that were unforeseen such as a peanut allergy or a group of disrespectful kids who know exactly what buttons to push. There are a million things that go through my head in a given day and very little of it is in my hands. I continue to go through my job knowing that I have no control over anything. As I go to the services and I give my devotion to the students or campers, I'm filled with a sense of powerlessness. I know that without God, there is nothing that I can say or do to control how these kids respond to the message that I have for them. I'm left at the end of the day feeling out of control and worn out. I sit down and began organizing my DVD collection, I have my one thing that I have control over.



Our lives are filled with moments where we are without any control. We search for some way to restore order to our lives; to take back some sort of control. I believe if most people are honest, they have something that they do to try and have at least some sort of control. It may be the controlling of what you watch, or what you eat. Maybe it is a little more harmful in the means of controlling others. We all do it though. We all have some thing that we do, that helps to give us back some sort of stability.



Recently I was turned down for another camp director position. I was very close to getting it, but when it came down to me and another person, they went with the other person. Again, I was without control. I know that God has a plan for it. He always does. I also know that knowing that, doesn't really help matters. I'm still without a full-time job and in just a couple months, I'll be without a way of supporting myself. I am not in control. It is frustrating and leaves me feeling vulnerable and directionless. Despite, the qualifications that I have and the experience that I have gained, I am left wondering at my career choice and if I should move on to something else, something where I can feel a little more in control. My mind then races through many options and possible decisions but I'm left without anything more than I had before. I look through possibilities and entertain ideas of what I could do and all of them seem possible and at the same time none of them do. So at the end of the day, I go back and organize my DVD collection. I take back just a little bit of control, just enough so that I can let go and say, "God, You are in Control."