Divine Giggle

It had been a long week at camp. I was tired, drained, a bit frustrated with a few things going on and just ready to have a break. My quiet times had suffered recently due to lack of focus and my own spiritual life was going through a bit of rocky patch. To top things off it was only the middle of the week and I was due to speak at the nightly service about the salvation and grace of God. The whole week was spent trying to plan out this talk, not sure where to begin what to say, how to make it hit home with the campers. I just could not decide what to say. Even after talking with some people who had given this talk before I was still at a loss for words. I just could not feel ok with it.

The day of the talk I spent about an hour just sitting trying to hear God. Desperately longing for some word that he wanted me to share, all I heard was my own breathing. After spending an hour in silence and feeling completely unaccomplished and more stressed than I was before I felt him whisper five words to me, Be humble like a child. With that I went ahead and began working using some of the things from other talks and trying to piece together the message that God wanted me to say. I was still unsure of my talk and wanted some reassurance so out of humility I asked someone else for help. This is far out of character for me as I'm always the one giving help. I've never felt the need to ask people for help especially public speaking. He gave me a few pointers, but just encouraged me that it was good and that it was what the campers needed to hear.

I went to the Vespers service still with butterflies in my stomach and feeling completely inadequate like a child trying to deliver a complex lecture on quantum mechanics. Gently God reassured me and told me not to worry. Two minutes into the message I could feel that God was talking now and felt great about it. I could see the campers eyes as they stared intently at me listening to the words I had to say. After about ten minutes into the talk I knew that it was all God and that the campers were being impacted by the words. At the end of it, I felt an insatiable happiness because I knew that it was what God wanted and what they needed to hear. Then it happened! I said to God, "You Rock." And like a child wrapped up in the strong arms of his father as they're playing I giggled. I could not stop giggling. This wasn't a laugh as though it were a joke, but a humble and loving giggle, where you can't stop feeling happy. Its as though your very soul is being tickled by the thought of being loved by God, by being used by God. It was what I termed the divine giggle. The giggle that signifies your love for God as a child of Him. It reminded me of the time when I was a young child and I had just been given Winnie the pooh sheets. I was so happy. Nothing else mattered in that moment than those sheets. Just like that moment as a child I was able to experience the same joy over being wrapped in the arms of God. I have analyzed the idea of being like a child many times, but never before have I been so much of a child before God. My challenge from now is to have the courage to giggle over the divine Love of God.

Stillness

It was a beautiful night, with stars in the sky and a light breeze bringing in the early evening. I gently strolled back to my cabin and just enjoyed the night that God had given me. As I was walking I decided to just stop and listen to what was going on around me. There was a sharp contrast between the time that I was walking and the time that I just sat and was still. I let my breathing become a bit controlled and I just relaxed. The birds became easy to hear and I could hear the rustling of the leaves as the wind blew through them. The more quiet I was the more I could hear around me. Over near some other cabins I could hear the laughter and enjoyment coming from campers. In the distance I could hear some cars moving along on the road nearby. The only thing that I could not hear was myself. By being still I was focused completely on the outside and not on myself.

Psalm 46:10 says Be still and know that I am God. Having been still many times before I had never noticed how much focus is drawn to everything else and not myself during those periods. I think that when Gods says "Be still", He is telling us that it is the best way to focus on Him and not ourselves. At summer camp, it is very difficult to have a moment where we can simply be still. We are constantly moving and constantly doing some fun and crazy activity. While awesome and often times pointing to God, it is still a struggle to remain focused on God and others and not ourselves. Its amazing at how easily spending just five minutes being still can completely change a person's focus for an entire day. God gave us the gift of stillness so that we could move past being focused on our desires and ambitions and allowing us to focus on Him and His Love for us.

A Psalm

How great is He

Who formed the Earth and the Sea.

How marvelous are His ways

O Ancient of Days.

You alone give me Peace

You alone give me Grace

O Lord I shall seek you

As surely as rain brings morning dew.

It is you that blesses me

All my enemies they do flee.

I am your servant

I pray that I flee from being a truant.

Thank you O Lord for you are good

For making your ways understood.

Joy

What Greater Gift is this

than this everlasting bliss.

Freely was it given

When our sins were forgiven.

This great gift of sovereign joy

Is far beyond any earthly toy

Over all my thoughts does it reign

Through the days of sun and the days of rain.

What comfort does it bring

As though all the birds would sing

and trumpet the sound of its praise

Forever and ever to the end of days.

This joy points only to Grace

So that we may continue to seek his face.

Doubt

It creeps in so very subtle

During my normal commute on the shuttle.

My mind has no time to react

And so no plan of action is there to enact.

I seek some kind of proof

To show this is the only way.

My heart and mind feel so aloof

As though I were Thomas of this day.

My heart fights with all its might

to bend and break this line of thought.

I am not alone in this fight

For all across the world this battle is being fought.

My mind surrenders knowing that logic has prevailed

That flowing Grace has availed.

Prayer

He fights for the words to express.

The direness of his distress.

Plagued by his fear.

He longs for someone to hear.

Softly it starts as only a whisper

The air becomes crisper.

The sound of a prayer

How could anything be fairer?

While small in length and size

Its heartfelt with tears in his eyes.

Every word chosen with care

So his story, he may share.

For it is Him that will listen

To every problem and everything missin'.

Least of these

I paint the window with as much care as possible, being careful not to miss a spot on its intricate design. Noticing I'm far from alone, I glance to my right. There stands a young boy with a mop of hair. His name is as complex as the window I'm currently painting. He looks up at me with his big brown eyes and wearing a huge smile. Just as he has not changed his clothes from the day before, his curiosity and joy have remained unchanged. It was just one day before that I met this young boy. With his long uncontrolled hair, he immediately stood out among the many that surrounded me. He carried a deflated soccer ball excited to be able to play with the a ball. I reached deep into my backpack and pulled out a sports pump and went over to him. I gently motioned to him to hand me the ball. He hesitantly gave it to me and as the ball began to inflate, a small crowd joined us. Grins that shone more beautiful than the morning sunrise engulfed me. Seeing their faces, I begin to get a glimpse of the beauty of God for it shines in their eyes like stars. I have a to pause for a moment to catch my breath and fight back the tears.

Today we have been finishing off the painting of the church and my job has been to paint this window. My friend sits there holding the can of paint for me out of his eagerness to offer whatever kind of help he can. He gives without thinking as the can is sizable compared to his small body. I thank him and continue to paint. He stays by me hoping to be of some help, yet he has already given me far more than he could possibly know. Two others come to watch as well, a small girl and another girl who is slightly older than my friend. The girl asks me my name in possibly one of the only English phrases she knows, I respond and ask her hers. She is Lamku, her brown eyes sparkle and her hair is tightly braided to keep the dust out of it. My small group sits there smiling as I paint this window, they are content in simply being there with me. Not needing anything except to be near this curious stranger that they have met. I take a moment to just breathe it in. Their smiles and their joy humble me beyond what I knew was possible. They have this contentedness, they need nothing more than the company that they are in.

How can these three children who have nothing but the clothes on their back be so rich? Despite all of my possessions and lifestyle I have not their contentment, their unfailing joy. As my paint brush gently paints the window of this church I begin to realize how cluttered my life is by my material possessions. Just as the paint I place on the window covers the window's faults so it is with my possessions as they cover up my purpose in life. Their joy, their contentment, their smiles come from Love and of having only Jesus. In the kingdom of heaven we are to do unto the least of these as we do unto God, but painting here with Lamku and my friend next to me, I realize I AM the least of these.