Radical Change

Looking back over my life, I notice something that is so glaringly obvious that I have to accept it and embrace it. I have become something new. Much like Jesus said, "The old is gone and the new has come." I was once something different than I am now. The change is a very stark contrast. At one point, my life dwelt only on me and how I could possibly gain recognition or how I could be better than others. Even in my spiritual life I was always competing with others and trying to make myself better than others. It wasn't about having a better relationship with God it was about seeming to have a better relationship than everyone else.

This thinking came up the other day when I was listening to Fireflight's new CD and I came across the lyrics, "I wish you could see me before the change. You'd see a broken heart, you'd see the battle scars." It's amazing to think at how far I've come and how I really can't go back to what I was nor would I want to. Whenever I met someone who actually understood what it meant to love God, I would normally become distant or try to come up with something that made me better than them at least in my own eyes. I had an inflated opinion of myself and because of that, the song really spoke to me. I sat there thinking about how I had hurt or offended others and in the process hurt myself. I tried to be better on my own and appear to be spiritual when really I was still struggling along with everyone else and muddling through my spiritual walk as an infant.

During college the change in my life began. I began understanding what loving God meant. I began to understand what I was supposed to be living for and what really mattered. Of course this was not of my own doing but rather God's doing. He caused the change in my life in a way that I could not possibly take credit for it. Through my circumstances I've been able to see God's hand move me gently along His path for me. It is a rather comforting experience and thought to know that God actually cares about my life and that He has a plan for it. The one who spoke the universe into existence actually loves me. Now that I'm confident of this change and aware of it I have live it out. If I were to go back to my sinful nature I'd be something that I'm not. As Paul says I was once a slave to sin but then died to that and become a new creation in Christ. I believe that is this change that we must show the world if we want to really love others. It is this change that will set the world free.

Traitorous Heart

In reading from Three Cups of Tea, I am faced with the reality of my own depravity. I am made aware of a problem that our culture has allowed itself to view as perfectly ordinary. I've seen it in my life and countless lives around me. We are cursed with a traitorous heart. How many times have you been spurred on to believe in something or do something only to find that your resolve wears away in a month? My own resolve often lasts only a week maybe two unless it is something that I am constantly around and exposed to.

On my first trip to Ethiopia, I was blown away by the impoverished people of the towns there. While I was there I felt powerless and yet at the same time, full of the knowledge that I could help them. I ate with them and talked with them. I was invited into their homes and treated better than family. As I returned home I knew that I needed to go back and do something more. I needed to give of myself and to do something more for these people that I had grown to love so much. Within a month of returning I resolved to return to Ethiopia and made plans for my next trip.

Over the next year I would think of Ethiopia on occasion. I thought of things I could do there to be there full-time. I dreamt about ways that I could raise money to make an impact in the lives of those who had touched mine. Despite all this I made little effort to really do anything about those plans. I continued to live as I always have and did little to really see those plans come to fruition.

Upon returning to Ethiopia, much of my original resolve was gone. The love that I experienced there was still as great as ever but being there reminded me of all the things that I wanted to do and how little I had done to accomplish them. I met with a man who had moved to Ethiopia and who was in the process of creating a business to help the prostitutes find real employment. This business he hopes will eventually help to build a farm in a town called Sendafa which will provide food and jobs to hundreds of people. I returned to America with a strong desire to help him in his efforts. I began brainstorming ideas that would help him raise the funds that he would need to build this farm. Now it has been nearly three months since I returned to America and I have done little to follow through. I have often comforted myself with the thought that I am myself looking for funding to stay in camping ministry. I make myself feel better by claiming that once I have a more firm footing on my own life, I will be able to do something for those in Ethiopia.

Reading through the remarkable story of Greg Mortenson, I realize that there is a distinct difference between him and me. He has kept his resolve. Upon leaving the summit attempt on K2 and returning to America, he became very intentional about his purpose. He did not allow his heart to lose its resolve. When he left the Karakoram he knew that he must do this. It wasn't a matter of dreaming or thinking of ideas, it was a matter of doing everything possible to accomplish it whatever that meant. He did not look at it as something he could do or a cool idea that he might be able to do eventually in the future. He looked at it as something that he had to do. It never occurred to him that he didn't have to do it. It was as essential to his life plan as finding food for the next day. He is far from the only person that has this mentality. Bruce Olsen, author of Bruchko and missionary to the Motilone tribe in Columbia, left his home to serve God as a missionary. It wasn't an option not to do it. This was something that he had to do. The list goes on. There are people who have stood up, who have not backed down and have not taken the easy road.

I envy their resolve. Their steadfastness and assurance of their responsibility. They were able to give their heart fully to what they were doing. My own heart is for more traitorous. It stops short of action far too often and loses its will. Imagine what this world would be like if each of us were able to tame our traitorous heart. If we could learn to keep our resolve and stay committed to changing the world, we would be able to live as Christ wanted us to. We must learn to set aside our fear and tame our traitorous heart that we might keep our resolve and be the change in the world that Christ made us to be.

The arrival of the birds.

I was laying in bed the other day waiting for my alarm to go off. I do this often, as I am about the furthest thing from a morning person possible. I typically try to stay asleep as long as I possibly can. This morning I noticed something different however. Outside my window I could hear the chirping of all kinds of birds. As I lay there, I could hear the hammer-like noise of the woodpecker and the soft chirping of song birds. It struck me as odd for a moment. I didn't remember waking up to birds any other time that week. In fact in the last several months I could not for the life of me remember waking up to the chirping of birds. At first I thought that I had overslept but soon realized that my alarm was set to go off in another 40 min.

The birds signified the first sign of spring. Their arrival warranted the attention of warm weather and a beautiful shining sun. With the warmer air and the added light provided by the sun the snow began to melt away revealing a greenish brown on the ground. The first colors aside from white that we've seen in at least a month. Everyone's energy level increased and seemed to cheer everyone up from their wintery complacency.

Looking back over my life I can't remember ever noticing the day that birds would make their spring appearance so suddenly. I've certainly never been aware of the sharp contrast between a day without birds chirping to a day with birds chirping. It was kind of beautiful and at the same time a great moment for reflection. Those birds know inside them it was time to awake. They knew, not because of the weatherman or because of the calendar that told them when to start singing. They knew because something inherit in their nature told them it was time to start busying themselves with their purpose.

With the start of this new season we will see all sorts of life. Animals will shake off winter's chill and go in search of food. Plants will begin to bring forth new beauties and every leaf formed will be unique and have a certain purpose. Again all these things know to do this because of something inside them that compels them, that this is what they were made for. With spring coming we must begin to realize that it is the same with us. From deep within, there is something that calls to us, telling us that we were made for something more. It is time for us to leave the slumber of our apathy and the inadequacy of our perceived abilities. it is time for us to come awake in His power. As the David Crowder Band puts it:

Come Awake from sleep. Arise.
You were dead
You've come alive
Wake up wake up
Open your eyes
Climb from your grave
Into the light

Bring us back to life

It is Finished

Yesterday I spent a good amount of time cleaning around the house and getting my massive pile of laundry done. As I folded up the last piece of laundry and put it away I felt almost bittersweet. You see as much time as I had spent cleaning and doing laundry I was uncomfortably aware of the fact that it would not last. It got me thinking about it though. I love when I complete something, when I can look at something and say that I'm done. Something that I have to constantly work at and strive towards can often irritate me or drive me to boredom. For instance when I go climbing I typically will do a route until I can get it, until I can say that I successfully climbed it. When I can't get a climb though I'll spend the majority of my time there working on that one climb. If I don't get it that trip, then I'll think about it constantly afterward. I am obsessed with finishing things.

I don't think I'm alone in this though. We are always obsessed with being finished. Most of America looks forward to retirement because it signifies the end of work. We put away money for that time so that we won't have to work. All the years that we've put in up to that point are for that purpose, being finished. We dislike having to constantly work at something. We see this in our society all the time when someone is paying bills. Those who own homes often have a mortgage hanging over their heads, they keep hoping to have it paid off and to be finished paying for it. Buying smaller things often make us feel better temporarily because we own it right then and there. We have paid all the money that we need to pay on it and are now finished. It seems to be something deep inside us though that stirs us on to being finished.

I believe that it is very significantly related to the fact that we are broken inside. We have for so long known that we are sinners and that our soul was meant for more than that. We were meant to be in the image of Christ. We were meant to be something different and because of that our souls have been working tirelessly to rectify the problem. Our deepest desire is to be finished, to be done fixing ourselves and finally back to what we were supposed to be in the first place. We are tired of fighting with ourselves and trying to get ourselves to do things or think things that we should and to stop ourselves from things we know we should not be doing. The thing is we will never be finished, we will always be working towards it but never actually reaching completion. It is no wonder that people turn from God. We blame Him for this constant state of turmoil within us. We hold Him responsible for the fact that we have to keep working. The dilemma is that all of our work and strife is for nothing unless we turn to Christ. In Philippians 1:6, He promises to complete the work that He has started in us. We must stop striving to be better and to surrender to the will of Christ. For it is He alone that can say "It Is Finished".

A Psalm of Praise

Your beauty is beyond compare

It is magnified throughout the Earth.

That which covers the Earth gives you praise

How majestic is your Glory

Your overwhelming love surrounds me

My breath is taken away by your splendor

How awesome it is to experience your grace.

Your artful strokes are displayed for all to see.

As I look out among the fields

I see only beauty, as though a master painter has been hard at work

The colors mix together with such emotion

It is as though it works together to bring you praise

As I stand here with the gentle stillness of the moment

I am taken aback by thought of you.

Your fierce love encompasses all of me

Leaving me vulnerable yet content

All around me the snow falls gently to the ground

The soft silence as each flake hits the ground

Goes unnoticed by all except you

You gently guide each flake as it descends

Your wondrous presence is unavoidable

It is shown through every aspect of creation

From the smallest flake of snow to the highest mountain

I’m caught up in your glory, Hosanna to the highest

So often the Psalmist was speechless

I understand now his thoughts

His inability to shout anything but praise

A glimpse of you is enough to lose oneself in the moment

Being a Good Steward

As I was driving to my neighborhood gas station the other day, I started thinking about how little time to myself I've really had over the last couple weeks. We've been pretty busy at the ranch and when we have off a lot of us end up hanging out for the rest of the day. While I love hanging out with people and getting to know them, I've noticed that I really do need some time of my own to just relax and rest in God, just as Jesus used to go off in solitude, I find the same desire in myself. Here is the problem though. Its not that I haven't had time to myself, I have. Its not even the fact that I haven't had the quantity of time to myself that I would need, I have. The problem is with the fact that I have been a poor steward of that time.

When I have time to myself I tend to waste it on things like video games or sitting on facebook or something like that. I rarely spend it truly resting. That is not to say that those are bad or even not forms of resting, but when I rest I need to be better at understanding what I need to gain rest. Sometimes you need to have those days of simply sitting on the couch and doing absolutely nothing. Other days you need to spend your time alone going on a hike or a bike ride. Either way you have to be intentional about doing what it is that your body really needs. We often do things because it is the thing that is easiest to do, but a lot of the time it ends up just making us more tired and feeling as though we haven't rested. After thinking about this and spending time by myself in a way that allows me to actually rest. Rest is a beautiful thing when done properly. It makes you more energetic and more amiable. I know that during the time when I wasn't really spending time by myself to help me rest I was a little irritable and felt drained most of the time. Now I'm feeling much better and feel ready to do whatever it is that I need to do. We must always be aware of how we are feeling as it affects everyone around us, that is why rest is so vital to our lives.

The Gospel is alive.

As I stroll through Sendafa, I'm greeted by many hungry, poverty stricken faces. All of which have a huge grin and an out-stretched hand. I take the hand and say hello in one of the few Amharic words that I've learned. As I stand there a small crowd of children begins to form, everyone saying hello and asking me my name. I respond to them, "Sime Ryan no." They giggle a little bit at my clearly poor Amharic and all respond with their names. I say the names about 3 or 4 times each, every time getting further and further from the correct pronunciation, but they don't mind. One of the older boys knows a little bit of English and we start up a conversation. He asks me where I'm from, I say America, to which several of the kids ask if I can take them with me. I explain that I cannot to which there is little complaining, except in my own heart. I stand there talking for a while and taking photos and showing them their photos to which there is a great amount of excitement.

I notice that the rest of my team have already moved on, and I'm left alone with my entourage of kids. I motion to them that I need to go towards the rest of my group but they are welcome to come with me. So I begin to walk through the dust-filled streets of Sendafa with a crowd of children all anxiously trying to grab my hand. I wave to a few other shop keepers and people along the streets, they wave back with a smile. I begin trying to think of a deep spiritual parallel to the situation. Yet I'm taken aback by the moment. Here I am trying to relate this to something when the most important thing is to simply be with them. Simply being with them should be enough of a lesson in love than anything else. This line of thought though takes me to Jesus walking the streets and allowing the children to come to Him. People often begged Jesus to heal them or for some sort of help and He always provided what they needed. Here I am, a man walking through Sendafa with very little and certainly not able to give what these kids need to truly be provided for. I am helpless, all I can do is simply tell them a few phrases that God is good and that I'm glad to have met them. Despite all that, they continue to walk with me and keep me company. My time with them reminds me of God providing for every need and that without Him we are helpless. Their smiles display God's compassion and love, and their faces mirror God's as he looks in wonderment at His creation.